John, don't be so hard on yourself. You are a GREAT man for wanting to save your marriage, for thinking of the well-being of your child, and for coming here to seek advice.
There are two frames of thinking. Logical and emotional. you are thinking with your emotional mind which is absolutely understandable.
At times however, I see that you have a mix of emotional and logical which is progress.
It's now time to flip the switch to logical. Is it easy... NO! Why? Because this is an emotional situation. But you CAN do it!
Your s4 needs you to be a rational and logical person. That will keep him grounded and safe. He needs you and believe it or not so does your wife.
Just remember this... EVERY COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR WIFE SHOULD DEAL ONLY WITH S4!!! Not dinner, not a movie, not a conversation about how your day was and what you’re doing later that night... Those are conversations for your spouse, your wife, your lover. That IS NOT who she is to you right now... If it's not about s4, then you shouldn’t be discussing with her.
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Johns wife would be so easy to DB if he would just give her the space instead of rescuing. His wife wants to be led. She's constantly seeking attention. Piece of cake.
Good God I've got to remember that.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Just remember this... EVERY COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR WIFE SHOULD DEAL ONLY WITH S4!!! Not dinner, not a movie, not a conversation about how your day was and what you’re doing later that night... Those are conversations for your spouse, your wife, your lover. That IS NOT who she is to you right now... If it's not about s4, then you shouldn’t be discussing with her.
And this too.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I think it’s time to take this day by day... Time for a real intervention…
John, tell us your plans for tonight. And be sure it does not include your WAW. That means no phone calls, texts, visits, etc! WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR YOU?
If you write back later today and you tell us…
“The WAW texted and I responded…” “The WAW came over and I had no idea and we talked…” “The WAW blah blah blah…..
Expect us to roll our eyes, shrug our shoulders, and shake our heads…
Even so we’ll STILL be here for you…
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
