So, I just received a text from H: FYI - I just left mail in the box at ur house.
WTH???
Inside it was junk mail and one notice from a collection agency on the old cell phone account. It had his name on it and his PO Box / so he writes on it "fyi - I took care of this...."
And the gold medal goes to....
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Our college friend calls me this evening. Says that he is coming down next week to see H. Last night our other friend came and spent the evening with H. He texted our other friend and said it was a good visit - but sad. Friend 2 is coming in and said he is going to offer 3 things to H:
1. Divorce is NEVER the answer 2. 9 out of 10 times - the problem isn't in the marriage - it's in the individual 3. Obligation - responsibility
Friend 1 told Friend 2 that H asked him "Is Friend 2 coming down to try and talk me out of this" Friend 1 says "Absolutely"
I told Friend 2 that I am not hopeful - but I am grateful for having someone who understands and believes in what I do.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Lin is right. My H after 11 months of separation and not paying a penny on anything that was in both of our names got mad because he finally paid a full payment on a loan, and expected me to me so grateful it wasn't even funny. And he makes 3 times the amount I do, and I can't make ends meet.
When he didn't get a reaction from me that he wanted he claimed that it takes a lot to make me happy (which it doesn't). So now he pays 1/3 of a consolidation loan we have and nothing more than that, he did tell D13 4 weeks ago that he was going to give her 1/2 of her soccer money to give to me and help us with groceries, 3 days later nothing. Told her that he would have to wait until the following week because he was broke. Well, here we are and still hasn't paid anything and hasn't contacted D13 in over a week and a 1/2.
She was upset last night and I have no clue what to do. If I should text him and let him know that she is upset and was claiming he loves his 2 boys that he had in high school more than he loves her. I'm totally lost on what to do. I feel so bad for her because he was calling her every day and even called her school last Wednesday and wanted her progress reports and stuff and now nothing.
Lin or anyone do you have any advice on what I should do as far as our D13? Should I text H knowing that he will not respond or do I just let it go.
I would really caution the friends when they speak to H. I suspect that he will not appreciate the conversations. They may do more harm than good.
What makes the friends think that they can talk him into comming back. What they are telling H is that he is WRONG and right now he does not want to hear that.
Question for you....
If you H came back because his friends convinced him..would you take him back?
If so, then why?
Would you want H back because he decided to come back on his own or because he felt obligated via pressure?
If because of pressure...why?
What doe these answers tell YOU?
You do not have to answer me...just yourself.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I would really caution the friends when they speak to H. I suspect that he will not appreciate the conversations. They may do more harm than good.
What makes the friends think that they can talk him into comming back. What they are telling H is that he is WRONG and right now he does not want to hear that.
Question for you....
If you H came back because his friends convinced him..would you take him back?
If so, then why?
Would you want H back because he decided to come back on his own or because he felt obligated via pressure?
If because of pressure...why?
What doe these answers tell YOU?
You do not have to answer me...just yourself.
God Bless, Eric
I agree.
Rarely does stuff like this do any good. Pressure and guilt aren't going to bring him home.
He has to admit that there is an issue and fix himself and until he is ready, no one can tell him any different.
That is a really good question too. Do you really want him back if he is not ready?
I would just reassure your daughter that H does love her, he is just really lost right now and probably doesn't love himself very much so he is having trouble showing his love to others.
Then I would tell her, she is old enough to make her own decisions on her relationship with her dad. You will support her in any decision she makes but will not come between or act as a go between for either of them. If she has something to say to him, she says it to him and vice versa...many a counselor will tell you this...it is their relationship to sink or swim with...if you interfere you will be accused of brainwashing and if you don't you still might be accused by H of it but your kids will know otherwise.
Your not his mom, you are your D's mom...be there for her but let her make her way with him...just be sure to reassure her that he does love her...even though it doesn't seem like it right now...
It is hard to see our kids hurt and the first thing we want to do is fix it...and we think that if we tell H he will understand...my H missed his son's first play on stage, missed his first public speaking part, and many other firsts...in the beginning I would send emails, reminders, invitations...then I realized if he wanted to know he would make contact...he was sick and really in all truth it was better for him not to be around...alhtough my son started to pretend he didn't have a dad!
Thanks all for your advice. I agree with you on Friend addressing H. I've told friend that as well. But this is between them -
Today has been an AWFUL day. Kids and H had a horrible heated encounter this morning. Left the kids crying - they confronted dad about his lack of effort in their relationship - he got defensive. Later he texts me to "fyi" me about it and that in the future he wants a "heads us" when things are going wrong around the house. WTF!!
Then, to top it all off, our niece - age 27, passed away from cancer today. My SILs contacted me - H texted me later. This is AWFUL!!!!
He is so f'd up - it is unbelievable!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
