...For me, the hardest part of my SSM was the feeling of rejection/undesirability. Showing me that she desired me even if/when we're not having sex is super huge for me.
+1!!!!!
One thing that my wife has done a couple of times when we are "making out" and I get really aroused but she doesn't have time to ML because she has to get up and go to work, get to sleep so she will be able to get up in the next morning, or hop in the shower to get dressed in time to make an appointment, is to tell me that I am a good man and some specific things that she admires in me (5 Languages of Love "words of affirmation") run her fingers through my chest hair or the hair on my head then kiss my body (5 Languages of Love "touch"), then tell me that she intends to take care of me either in the morning or the following day and that I had better get rested and be ready for her.
By doing that, she has made me feel loved in my primary and secondary languages of love and she has not sexually rejected me but instead told me "soon." Instead of feeling sexually rejected, I feel desired and loved.
At the worst of my SSM, it was the nearly constant sexual rejection that made me feel really bad and rationalize that she must not love me or desire me. There are alternatives that allow a partner to feel loved, if you know their primary and secondary languages of love.
I strongly recommend the Chapman book, but you can get an idea of what they are from the following website summary of 5 languages of love
It doesn't take much to avert a SSM or leave the HD partner feel like she or he is hanging in the wind.
An old friend and I where talking about this, she is the HD in such a relationship. Of course the spouse is said to have said "I don't have enough time", "too busy", "worried about work", etc...
We both agreed that there is ALWAYS enough time, no matter how busy, how high pressured your environment have, how little time you have... It literally takes 5 minutes and its not always sex...
