Wife states she is not in love with me anymore!

[robx]

Is your counselor solution oriented and pro-marriage?

Marriage counseling is ineffective for couples where one of the spouses has decided to start the process of leaving the marriage and start looking for new partners (she has already been caught forming some sort of relationship with another man).

What does marriage counseling convey as a message in this situation? One spouse wants the marriage to work, the other does not, even if the spouse with the foot out the door comes to counseling, it's really just to put on a show, even to satisfy their ego "well I did go to counseling, he can't say I didn't try that much", etc.

You know the answer as much as anyone else around here, it's to let them go. If they really want out, if they're really willing to let you go and find someone else, the only thing you can do is let them go and move on. Hanging on, going to MC, etc. It's all a form of pursuit.

[HopelessInLove]

Yes, I know a EA developed.
I have done investigating and she has not contacted him through her normal ways. She is so busy, I am fairly certain she has not engaged in contact with him.
I am confused now though with more recent things. She seems to be pushing me in one direction and then acting level with me. Is that because she is getting confused? How do I handle.
My coach does not think that implementing the LRT will help right now.

[HopelessInLove]

Does not Michele feel that one person cantry and change a marriage even when one person does not? Is that not the premiss of how to get the WAW to come back?

I am asking and want to see through the mud more clearly!

[pookie69]

Does not Michele feel that one person cantry and change a marriage even when one person does not? Is that not the premiss of how to get the WAW to come back?

I am asking and want to see through the mud more clearly!

Did you read the book?

[HopelessInLove]

yes

I just feel like nothing I am trying is working?

My level of anxiety changes all the time when I am around W and can not get a good read on things.

[pookie69]

yes

I just feel like nothing I am trying is working?

My level of anxiety changes all the time when I am around W and can not get a good read on things.

What did you for that long period between your posts?

[HopelessInLove]

I have not pushed or pursued for her and I to go to MC. I have for the most part, except for helping cleaning, doing some dishes, and giving her flowers for school, and a couple text, not done anything for her. I don't mention anything of M/R to her. She has been talking a little more openly to me. But every time she talks she will mention about not getting my hopes up about something. She mentioned about not knowing where her feelings are at with us but then not to think she has any for me.

I have GAL, movies, exercise, eat healthier, reading and writing to help me focus, interacted with kids more, and focused on another job to suppliment my own business. She always complained that I did not do enough work around the house, well besides not completely cooking on my own I am doing everything. (though when I was living at home I took care of a lot of chores. I think she was just so diappointed in not spending enough time together she was pick off every little detail that upset her.)

[MrBond]

Has anything gotten better? Even small shifts? Increase those things.

[HopelessInLove]

Well she has allowed me to do things around the house and has said thank you for helping her. She beforre would get angry and take the stuff out of my hands as I would be working and tell me not to worry about it.
She feels like I am keeping track of everything I do so that at some point I throw it back in her face, or worse (her words) use it against her that she is not a capable mom.

[MrBond]

"Well she has allowed me to do things around the house and has said thank you for helping her."

The "thank you" is a plus, although her "allowing" you to do things in your own home is controlling.

When you interact with her, do you give off the vibe of a person who does something just to gain her approval or do you do it for the sake of doing it?

Be assertive and get your balls back. You are your own man who does things because he wants to. Not because it will get a response from your W.