WAW EA told her to leave

[TimeHeals]

Sorry, I can't help you. I'm old school on this whole living with a STBX and we both date other people kind of stuff.

Not for me. I can't do that. No advice.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I know I know - it's an oxymoron at best here - I'm not sure what I'm doing really

I think the term you are searching for is "double standard".

I was thinking "hypocrite," but double-standard works as well.


Puppy

[soleil]

Dating other people while living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed = disaster.

[DangerDave]

Thanks EVERYONE = that's why I'm here - for your advice and support - I'll drop the dating scene today- wtf was I thinking! I'm losing it here and thats where these wild ideas come from! I'll realign back to the proper DB's and get grounded again!

Really Thanks

DD

[TimeHeals]

Not telling you what to do. You're a grown up. You get to make your own choices in life.

I just couldn't do it, and if I could do it, I would hope that I didn't complain about who I lived with doing it, but then I couldn't do that living with somebody who is dating somebody else stuff either.

That's just me. Don't want to do that.

Heck, My wife and I have been seperated since mid May, and I didn't start dating until late last month, and I started dating her

[DangerDave]

Just a bump!

[DangerDave]

Well obviously I have earned the scorn of my support here to a degree. I must say I was really doing the opposite of what felt like the right thing to to do, but I have seemed to get it wrong - again. I guess I'm back to square one - but have significantly detached and getting better at it everyday which is a plus and still working on me to get satisfaction as well.

I'm really still trying to get some insight here on the codependency syndrome that is effecting my w and how that relates to detachment on my part - it almost seems as a double edged sword that you can fail by detaching and also not being there - so a word of advice and any other insight to my stich would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

DD

[soleil]

So what's the new update with her? How are you getting along? Do you guys hang out on the weekends? What's the temperature in your house (mostly getting along or not?)

From your siggie, it doesn't sound like you know whether the A is over or not, which in that case, it prob isn't...

[DangerDave]

Hey Soleil,

The affair part is over - that's confirmed and I should update my sig - there's been no contact that I can verify and it was brought up by me about 2 months ago and the resulting blowout reinforced that for me - wasn't pretty but got me the info I needed.

There has been another "friend" that she hangs out with, always in the company of her other single girlfriends that still looks to be platonic in nature, I know the guy as well, not my friend but I know him through her, anyway I have voiced my concerns about this guy as well to her, but I really think it's viewed as jealousy on my part - so at a bit of a loss whether to pursue it farther or leave it lay - I am detaching and think that letting this 3 amigo friendship with her BFF and this guy is just drawing me back in.

We were apart all weekend and when we returned separately (planned outings for both) we actually got along pretty well, talked more and was "normalish" to a degree. She's still working on her detachment from me, as I am no longer getting phone calls or texts from her during the day, where I was getting 1 or 2 - she is also checking in on the kids through them rather than me - again part of the codependency no more way to cope - from what I know of it.

As for hangin out on the weekends we have been doing things separately, we both ride bikes and since she has no interest riding with me, we each take a day on the weekend and head out with our own groups. We come back together for dinner and that's about it- she's pretty good at getting away from via the kids, mother's, group therapy(for the emotional abuse proclaimed) and bike rides.

So taking her lead I try to pull off the same and keep busy with things I enjoy as well and well that pretty much keeps up apart most of the week.

It's pretty quiet at home and drives me nut's but I do manage to keep my focus off her and keep it on myself and the kids as much as possible!

Thanks

DD

[DangerDave]

So where I am at - back to square one or should I moved father to the left or right or stay put?? I feel like I'm at the crossroads here and really would like a map for direction - or at least the names of the forks I have to choose from!

DD