Yes he does these things because they do need to be done...but…he is also doing them to take care of his family…
Thanks for saying that Doc. I'd love to look at it like that. I guess I rarely look at myself like his 'family' because we're actually just a couple. Two pups; no kids. So I don't know if the same sense of wanting to 'take care' of me & the pups is there. I don't really know how he looks at it. I don't know if it's the same for a man in a relationship, when there is no kids?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
2x4s now please. And quickly. The man I had a stupid crush on for years is back in my thoughts because I found out he'll be at a function I'm going to this weekend. NO I'm not going to act on it - there will be enough people there that I won't even have to go near him. My H will be there too. This guy doesn't even know I exist anyways. I had a stupid couple dreams about him a few weeks back and now I catch myself thinking about him again. D&mn it d&mn it. Why won't my H touch me??! Why won't he ML to me?? Since we got back from holidays, it's been all of twice, both initiated by me. Of for gods sakes. I'm not blaming him for my feelings and thoughts, just so bloody tired of not being desired by him and having weeks where we connect and then weeks of... absolutely bloody nothing. This is stupid. Maybe I just need some sleep. How do I get this bloody infatuation out of my head? I thought I'd kicked this. Auuugh.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
FMV, How is the communication between you and your H on sexual matters?
Hi CL. It's not great. We've talked about it on our holidays, acknowledged how hard a time we have talking about it, and both would like more of it. But... he won't initiate anything, he won't even hug me or touch me in a sexual or intimate way... it's more like a good friend. Even when he does finally give me a compliment it's things like I look 'snazzy' or 'really good'. And if I try to initiate intimacy, he most often replies in a baby voice, or will playfully push me my hand away and move away from me. I just don't know what to do anymore CL. I'm so afraid of these feelings I keep having for this other man. I'm sorry I'm babbling.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
FMV, He's avoiding having sex with you? He doesn't respond even when you initiate things? It sounds like your initiating things doesn't resolve the problem either? Does he reveal why he pulls away when you initiate physical intimacy? That's a problem. I used to do that with my W, and it sure created problems in the R. I will never do that again.
This is a serious problem that needs addressed in some form. If he won't help you to solve the problem, you will have to resort to other options to break the avoidance pattern around communication on this issue or of physical contact.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
He's avoiding having sex with you? He doesn't respond even when you initiate things? Does he reveal why he pulls away when you initiate physical intimacy?
Yes. Not every single time, but frequently enough that it's hard to keep trying. For a long time, before I started going to therapy and working on the marriage, I'd been pretty LD. Back then when we talked about it, he told me that because of this, he'd just stopped trying. He said on our holidays that he doesn't initiate any more because he never knows 'what's going to happen' - which I'm assuming is still fear from when I was so LD.
But now that we're starting to reconnect emotionally, my drive is increasing and I'm initiating more. But (except for those couple times) he just dodges me - pulling away and changing the subject, or says he's too tired. Since the beginning of July he hasn't initiated it even once.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
My W also has LD..I do now know (and am NOT asking how old you are) My W is 56.
Actualy this could be for any woman out there.. DOES THE DESIRE COME BACK?????
Everything is great.. well she has not said I love you for a while but still we are not really living as roommates anymore but the Desire is not there so much for her... as for me I am HD... Don't know if I am starting to go through my own MLC but I find myself checking out women more and more and getting thoughts that I should not be having..
and the other thing that pops up sometimes is " Did he do something (or did the affair) trigger somthing to make my wife now think sex is dirty?
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Schnarch's new book says there is always a LDP in a relationship. And that LD is subjective and relative. (Dr Love you could very well be LD for me, LOL!!) And he believes sexual "issues" are not signs of an bad relationship. The way I understand it are signs of a R that needs to grow, move from one stage to the other. All relationships lose the spark of the first months, can desire come back? He thinks "definetely". Still reading and trying to understand how so unless you buy it, you'll have to wait to hear what he thinks...
Ok Findng...Now I need your opinion.....My W also has LD..I do now know (and am NOT asking how old you are) My W is 56.
And I'm happy to give it, Doc - you've been so helpful to me I'd love to return the favour. And I never mind people asking me my age - I'm 42.
Originally Posted By: Dr LOve
Actualy this could be for any woman out there.. DOES THE DESIRE COME BACK?????
YES YES and more YES
Originally Posted By: Dr LOve
Everything is great.. well she has not said I love you for a while but still we are not really living as roommates anymore but the Desire is not there so much for her... as for me I am HD... Don't know if I am starting to go through my own MLC but I find myself checking out women more and more and getting thoughts that I should not be having..
What was it like before the A Doc? Was she always LD?
Originally Posted By: Dr LOve
and the other thing that pops up sometimes is " Did he do something (or did the affair) trigger somthing to make my wife now think sex is dirty?
And, sorry to answer a question with a question, but I'm curious - your question makes me concerned for your W - How do you come to wondering this Doc? Are there other things going on in her behavior that would make you consider this?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Schnarch's new book says there is always a LDP in a relationship. And that LD is subjective and relative. And he believes sexual "issues" are not signs of an bad relationship...
Hi Kalni, thanks so much for your post. What's the name of the book? I've listened to the one called 'Passionate Marriage'.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
It's not great. We've talked about it on our holidays, acknowledged how hard a time we have talking about it, and both would like more of it. But... he won't