Bobby, My heart goes out to you for I know what you speak. I still have those days, but they are fewer and farther between now.
It doesn't mean that I love my H any less, only that I've accepted that this journey he is on will not be over quickly and there are no guarantees.
Keep doing what you are doing, and try to live your best life everyday.
Your D will open up when she is ready as she has to process what has happened along with the usual teenage angst. This affects the whole family. Just keep being there for the kids the best you can and shield them as much as you can. Be their rock.
You are spinning right now, which is normal. As hard as this is you need to really focus on keeping your eyes, heart and mind on YOU.
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She would not tell me what was on her mind.
Don’t push her Bobby. Your D will open up to you when she is ready to. The more you push the more she may hold back. Similar to your W, your D will open up to you when she is ready.
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I must admit that today I feel pretty down
We all have these days Bobby. It what YOU do with them that is the key to YOUR life, YOUR future. You can sit in a pit of despair, loneness and fear OR you can stand up and face them. YOU may not see it Bobby, BUT you are doing this, you are moving forward day by day.
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I hate this separation and the unknown
Bobby – do you know if the sun will come up tomorrow? Or do you know if YOUR W may decide to snap out of this? NO – you don’t…so stop worrying about things that YOU have no control over. So tell me what DO You have control over?
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I have known my wife for 30 years and I cannot believe this is happening.
Yep…I said the same buddy – BUT it is happening – so what is Bobby going to do about it? Man up dude – you can do this chit.
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I cannot believe she has no feelings.
Hey…can you lend me your mind reading cap? Seriously dude – you have no f*cking idea what she is thinking. You don’t. You may think you do but really ya don’t. So how’s about you leave the mind reading cap in the closet and get back to living YOUR life. Get back to figuring out what Bobby wants and NEEDS for Bobby.
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The worst part is that I do not know if she will ever come back.
She may or she may not Bobby – no one here can tell you if she will. Here is a better question for YOU….what kind of man do YOU think she should come back to? Do you think she should come back to a man that cannot except the natural changes in life? Do you think she will come back to a man that she does not respect? What kind of man does Bobby really want to be?
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I continue to pray and hope the love of my life comes back
How much are YOU willing to endure Bobby for the “love of your life” – how much? Can you sit around and wait for her to figure her chit out for….say….10 years? Do you love her enough to wait forever? How much Bobby? Can you begin to live your life KNOWING….that she will come back at some point in the future?
Look dude – this chit is not easy. For me it has been the hardest thing that I have ever faced…and still face…so…you love her – right? THEN….
Like I said earlier…man the f*ck up and become the MAN that YOU want to be. The door is open, the road is open, YOU get to pave it and shape it buddy…shape the road and let HER find her way home. You my friend, just work on YOU.
Chin up!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I again want to thank everyone for their input. My daughter was very upset yesterday and she told me that she misses me and the fact that we are not a family unit. She told me that things were not working out with a boy she likes. She said the boy was her best friend. I said to her that I knew how she felt. I told her that her mother was my best friend for 30 years. She was shocked that I said that. She told me she did not think my wife was happy. I told Katie that her mom needs time to think. I told her that her mom moved out and could always come back but we would need the help of a therapist.My wife left a voice message yesterday asking me to pick up our daughter because she had an exam. My wife needs to give me more lead time when things change. In any case, I will continue to stay close to my daughter and let her know I love her and the family very much. Bobby O
Bobby O, I can't think of a better way to handle this than the way you did with your daughter. I think you said the exact right things the exact right way at the exact right time. So how can this not be a growing experience for you? IMO if you keep going down this path and keep taking the high road, you will win no matter how this goes. Being able to look back and know in your heart that you did what you could to hold this together will give you peace in the future. I am saying that mom needs time to think line quite a bit too lately. It sure takes the pressure off doesn't it? What is the alternative? I really don't see one when dealing with a spouse in MLC.
Bobby, My daughter is just a little younger than yours and is in a little bit different position with regards to her mother but I will say this......
You will be challenged by your W with regards to your children and it will try your patience. It is a major button that my W used to push with me. As inconvenient as it may be, and as unfair as it is, you will be tested beyond your limits with regards to your children.
My best advice to you is to view yourself as the only responsible parent, almost as if your W died and is not there. I had to do this with my W, that way I have no expectations of her and it helps me deal with her even when she neglects the kids for her selfish gain.
Your daughter will remember your stance later on in life if not sooner and will respect you for it.
Mine D13, while she sometimes disagrees with me on my W, she has told me "how proud she is of me".
Hang in there......it gets better.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Tonight my daughter asked to study with a friend for an exam. She also wanted to stay with me tonight which is the first time in 3 weeks. I made dinner for her and she is upstairs studying. I called my wife and she said fine, She said she was too busy with classes to do much with katie. This is such a contrast to how she was with our 2 older children. My wife in my opinion no longer wants to be tied down with the role of wife and mother. This is so sad and definetly not the way this woman was when I married her many years ago. I read other situations on this site and I can't believe how similar all of these stories are. I will continue to be there for my family and only pray my wife comes to her senses sometime soon. Bobby O
My wife in my opinion no longer wants to be tied down with the role of wife and mother. This is so sad and definitely not the way this woman was when I married her many years ago.
This is it here ^^^^^^^^
Missherlove puts it well. You will be tested beyond your limits with your children.
Bobby ... if your wife is MLC nothing in this process is going to happen "soon". Setting yourself up with an expectation like that will lead you to getting hurt - over and over and over again.
Continue to focus on you and kids. Live YOUR life for you. Walk your journey and let your wife walk hers.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
There seems to be so much that has happened over these last few days. My son told my wife on Friday that he was having a welcome home party at my house on October 16. The plan is to have 50 people mainly friends and family. Brian is going to propose to his girlfriend of 3 years. My wife told him she like his girlfriend but did not think it was a good idea to have a party in light of what is going on with her and me. He thanked her for her opinion and said he was still doing this. I received a phone call from my wife stating the same and I told her that I HAD MENTIONED THE SAME THING TO HIM BUT I DID TELL HIM HE COULD HAVE THE PARTY AT THE HOUSE. SHE THEN SAID "OUR" house would not be presentable since she moved out. I then told her I was having the house cleaned and the food catered. My wife then told me that she resented me for having her move out of the house while she was in school and how difficult things are for her. I was shocked and said I never asked you to leave. You did this on your own. She then hung up on me. I then have received phone calls from her father and 2 sisters. My father-in-law said he feels my wife has feelings for me and that he thinks she will want to come back into the home. He felt that her living situation is not working out.I told my father-in-law that if that were to happen Virginia would need to get into counseling otherwise we will be back to square one. He agreed with that approach. On the other hand, the one sister who helped my wife move has had a break up with her boyfriend and has now moved back in with her husband. This sister told the other sister that she had spoken to me and that I sounded positive and upbeat and that she did not think Virginia would come back into the relationship. The sister I am close to said she told her sister that she did not know that and that anything is possible. I have been doing reading on midlife crisis and it can be associated with an Avoidant personality which I believe my wife has had for years and is associted with midlife crisis. It can be treated with medication and counseling but again my wife would need to agree. I am concerned that my youngest daughter has not stayed in the apartment of her mothers for 3 days in a row. She stayed with 2 different friends one night and me one night. My middle daughter who is an adult has been visting friends this past week. Basically, my wife is by herself and does nothing but study. I know a lot has happened but what do I do if my wife wants to come back? Should I tell her to get into counseling first with her living in the apartment and see what happens. I think my wife is miserable but not to the point she will throw in the towel. Again, This is all my fault and yes she has been out of this house for 3 weeks. Any thoughts? Bobby O
