Newer Game- Moving Forward

[steady]

Is this what feels so unnatural about what I'm doing now?

I think what feels so unnatural about it is this - you still want her back. In your mind, subconscious or not, you are worried how your behavior will be viewed by her.

If she was an unknown stranger who was acting this way toward you would you continue to want to be 'nice'? How about a friend who is disrespecting you as she is? What would you do. What would the 'real' CD look like if it was anyone besides your W?

I know I want to be more "fiendly" to W as we all know she is in crisis, so to speak.

It's her crisis. She built it. Let her reap the consequences. Why do you want to be more 'friendly' CD. Dig deep. What would YOU be GETTING by being more friendly?

But I am torn on my approach.

Of course you are. It's called cognitive dissonance. You are having to behave in a way that is contrary to the belief you are trying to get out of yourself - the outside validation/people pleasing paradigm. Go read this - Treat People the Way They Deserve to Be Treated

1-Doing so would be more in line with the CD she fell in love with and the man I aspire to be once more but with improvements (CD v5.0)

The CD she fell in love with was dysfunctional and co-created a R that imploded. Do you want a woman who is attracted to the old CD or one that's attracted to the v5.0 CD? Maybe you've outgrown your W and are ready to attract a much healthier woman? I recently heard on NMMNG recording again - if one of the people in a R is dysfunctional you can bet they both are.

HOWEVER-

2-Being that "positive" would technically be making the advantages of CD somewhat available to her

How do you want to act? Do that. You want her to be attracted to the genuine CD who draws boundaries or to a CD that can put on a mask? The real one or the fake one?

3-It goes against the dictum that "while she is in the A, I am not available as it is across my boundary."

You cannot serve two Gods at once.

4-It could delay her hitting bottom/ease her guilt

This is about her and you trying to predict whether your behavior will enable her or help her to her bottom. Subtle... Do what you want to do (from a healthy perspective, not a dysfunctional one) regardless of the effects out there. Because, as I preach from the pulpit :), you have no idea what the effect is actually going to be.

5 Taking a stronger lead in the Separation (as I am doing) is still helping her navigate through/clean up her mess.[/quote}
Again - a controlling/manipulating viewpoint. Taking a stronger lead my or may not cause some 'thing' to happen. Who knows? Nobody! Maybe it's actually pushing her into creating a bigger mess for herself? lol. But who cares?

[quote=CD Bear]Apologies but I feel I am at odds with myself right now.

Totally understandable. Confusion. Searching for the healthy answer for CD.