Got home a little late. Dogs were barely holding. No W in sight.
Took care of the pets and decided to text her. I said "I thought we had the mutual understanding about my expectations for you being responsible for our pets."
Seconds later phone rings. I did not pick up.
Minutes after that she pulls up. I smiled and said hi.
She went on to play with the dogs. After awhile I told her that I was hungry and will order the pizza. I really wanted to get out of the house but had no energy.
She said OK and that she was not hungry.
I decided to wait a little longer. Five minutes later she came over to the bar all cute and handed me the Spaniel. She asked if I wanted her to call in the food.
We ate and she kept looking at me the whole time. I avoided her but did not appear angry. I made some small talk and smiled and goofed a bit. I broke the tension.
She could not collect herself to say anything about my text message and I did not really want her to.
I am trying to set a simple boundary. She has been pretty good so far but I no longer tolerate any slipping. I told her that she needs to start living like I am no longer present. This is not a game. It is preparing for the reality without me. Isn't that what she wanted? Live up to that fact.
However she looked sorry and apologetic without saying anything.
Little that she knows, the R does not have to be that way.
I have complimented her good behavior but I will no longer swallow disrespect.
Cuteness is no longer a substitute for actions, but actions can be cute.
No idea. Gucci's seeting them free technique often does the trick though..
I think they probably know deep down that it isn't real, but they are so hurt/mad/upset or whatever that they supress what they really know and start thinking/acting like they are 13 again and pretend they never learned anything about life in the real world
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
It's been a long journey to get where I am today. A lot has improved and I have kept a positive attitude for better things to come.
I don't like the feeling of enforcing my boundaries last night. Although it did not cause a conflict or even an argument of any sort, I feel dissapointed of her that I even had to do that.
But I need to stick to my script. I complimented her when she behaved well and I have to let her know when she is trying to eat the cake again and how that is no longer acceptable.
I think deep inside she knows what's right and what's wrong. Four months ago she would not simply told me to f-off and leave if I did not like something.
don't like the feeling of enforcing my boundaries last night. Although it did not cause a conflict or even an argument of any sort, I feel dissapointed of her that I even had to do that.
Without specifics, I can only say... that I bet she has to do that sometimes too. Every once in a while, people we love and care about can begin to take advantage of us, for example, if we allow them. It's OK to say NO sometimes, and that is enforcing a boundary If it's a reasonable and healthy boundary, don't worry about it. It happens.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Reward good behavior, do not allow bad behavior. Technique works with some WASs and brings about baby step improvements.
Although not fun, another thing that is as certain as death and taxes is that there will be bad days and there will be setbacks
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Reward good behavior, do not allow bad behavior. Technique works with some WASs and brings about baby step improvements.
Although not fun, another thing that is as certain as death and taxes is that there will be bad days and there will be setbacks
It sure has worked for me. When I told her that I appreciate the respect and responsibility that she has shown, she started doing more of that.
Last night was a innocent setback. She used to come home at midnight and drunk. It was only 7pm and she was already on her way. Not a big deal at all but I had specifically told her that I am no longer tolerating of being expected to be the baby sitter day in and out without at least being notified with proper warning time. I had to voice my displeasure or it won't mean anything.
I told her that she needs to start living like I am no longer present. This is not a game. It is preparing for the reality without me. Isn't that what she wanted? Live up to that fact.
So quit talking about it. You keep rescuing her. You sound like her father = not attractive.
Quote:
"I thought we had the mutual understanding about my expectations for you being responsible for our pets."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Decide to go home when you want. She knows what you said. You allow her to cake-eat by running home to care for the dogs. You have a choice.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
