On two ends of the world.. #2

[ris]

Supposing I'm right in thinking that he thinks that I've cheated on him, and that is why he wants the divorce - am I sort of admitting to it by not asking why?

I don't quite understand TH, on one hand you say that by asking I play his game, but on the other hand you say that he does owe me an explanation. Could you please explain it further?

[asher]

Hey Ris,
Sometimes people accuse the other person of cheating, when they in fact are cheating. I wouldn't play his game...he is trying to bait you into an argument and you will just feel worse afterwards. Personally, if I said anything to him, it would be a simple sentence:
You are being irrational.
And that's it.

[TimeHeals]

Supposing I'm right in thinking that he thinks that I've cheated on him, and that is why he wants the divorce - am I sort of admitting to it by not asking why?

I had you pegged for eating babies, and since you never asked me why I suspected that, you are obviously guilty.

on one hand you say that by asking I play his game

He asked for a divorce, you said OK (not what you wanted, but if that's what he wants, then you are probably better off anyhow).

Why is it your job to pull an explanation out of him?

It's silly. How are you stopping him from explaining himself?

[MichelleLT]

Sorry you are here ris. Yours has to be one of the toughest situations on here since your R has barely made it out of the gate and you're separated by so much distance. Plus his depression, possible PTSD, etc.

Your response was a bit emotional, but nothing too clingy in there.

What would you gain by asking him his reasons/suspicions? He either wouldn't answer you, give you a bunch of BS, or might tell you the truth. 2 of the 3 options don't work remotely in your favor. And it's pursuing behavior which is unattractive and insecure.

I also agree that cutting back contact is good at this time. It'll be good for your mental health, and give him time to miss you.

I didn't find anything in your threads about whether you've actually read DB or DR? I see that you've been browsing the forums, but that's not nearly the same as reading one/both of Michele's books.