Take all the games and tactics out of it, and no they really aren't games.
Take all that away.
Prior to all of this all this affair and seperation crap.
The guy who isn't Faith. The guy you were, how would he respond?That guy...barring the crap you don't like about yourself and you should get rid of like being a MMORPG addict. From one to another.
That guy, your going to be when you aren't FaithinAK one day. The guy who read the man-books and liked what he saw, saw what he wants to become.
How would he answer?
Cause that who you are/will be.
Most of us here know how we would answer, or address this...but only one person here is getting those texts.
The why of what you do, sometimes just as important as the what of what you do.
Hmmmmm.
Those are 2 DEEP Questions.
Simple answers for now, but I'm going to think more on these after this...
I'll have to reflect and answer
Knee Jerk answers
Bad Guy = Would have answered, but not in a hurry..kinda like no big deal, back to WoW...or I'll check phone when I go get a beer.
New Guy = There would be no way I'd ignore her, but if she's still with OM, I'm not available to her. Even though I want to be.
I'll read these again later too and do some thinking.
Sometimes a cruel WAW who's in, or has been in an A, needs a slap in the face with likewise treatment. I'm not saying to go have an A. But I find that the majority of the LBH's here on the board are too.....nice. She doesn't need "nice" from you. She needs to learn something that "nice" doesn't teach. She needs to be jolted, shocked, head-jerked into seeing that you do not have to be nice to her. She doesn't deserve a nice, polite, gentleman for a H. She didn't appreciate that kind of H, so now she can deal with the fact that it had been your choice to be nice to her....certainly wasn't her sweetness that drew it out of you. Get the picture?
I know you don't want to mistreat her or be cruel and I'm not saying that. I'm saying to show strength all the way, and most times the WAW in the A cannot see "strength" by means of kindness, gentleness, loving ways. Most times, she's too messed up to see anything that she's used to having. It takes something different to cause her to see. So, when you don't say "Yes,Dear" whenever she snaps her fingers....it will shock her. Some women have never seen any other side of their H's except the nice. Don't do what she expects.
Now, I said all of that hoping you knew that I am not talking about showing a bad attitude, or to be moody, or anything negative. When a man acts like that, he's letting her know that she's controlling him. Instead, show strength of the man you are, show that you are decisive, show that you are very self-confident, and always have polished manners...in the presence of a female who conducts herself like a lady. But, do you know how you can do all of that without appearing to be her pushover? You can, you know. If it seems to be out of character somehow, or doesn't fit your personality....maybe you just need to practice. How would you act around a female who was no lady and openly disrepected you? Would you bow at her feet, throw your cape over the mudpuddle for her to walk across, or kiss her hand? I doubt it. Be like Rhett Butler and have a "don't give a damn" toward her. If you can do that, then you don't have to consider subjects like this.....b/c "Frankly my dear, you just don't do it for me anymore"......(My own editing...lol).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She just texted me asking if I have heard from you at all. She says she's been trying to get ahold of you for a few days and is wondering.
HAHAHAHAHA!! Now, that's funny! It gets better....just hang on.
Sandi, first and foremost thank you for your words of wisdom on your post before this one. I'm going to keep reading that one over and over.
Now as far as this quoted post....
I had a DB Coach session this morning...when I was discussing the text's with her in sequence. She laughed so hard it actually made me crack up. I now picture you laughing with the same intensity. LOL
She also shares your view, not that we discussed YOU, but she pretty much said do not let her in the house and do not allow her to see dogs. She said she CANNOT be trusted right now and what I'm doing is working. It doesn't feel right, but it's working.
Ahhhh, thanks. I'm glad the DB coach and I were on the same page of thought.
If you can stay objective, you will have more than one time to wonder if you should laugh or just shake your head (probably both), but if you can do it...then that says you are doing a great job.
In the beginning, the LBH is filled with fear when he is faced with a WAW. Fear can freeze you up where you can't even think. But once you decide that you will not let fear dictate what you will do, then you start relaxing and start feeling more confident. You let off applying "pressure" to her....and then she starts trying to find out why!
Don't make things too easy for her. She needs to "work" and winning you back. She will probably catch you at some point....when you have to actually speak to her. Be thinking of what she "might" ask you and what you will say in return. Remember to use one or two word answers. That will help you to not go into a R talk. You are a busy, busy man who has such a full schedule with things to do and places to go that it is hard to find the time to race to the phone or computer to return her contact attempts. Right? Right!
Have you ever answered a question by asking it back? Most people hate it when that happens, but it could be a method of getting unspoken points across to your W. For example, if she says, "Don't you even care anymore?" You answer by saying, "Do I care anymore?" She says, "Why didn't you return my call?" "Your call?" (Just don't drag it around too much, b/c it is frustrating for a man to do that....but in the beginning, it may be a way to let her talk and your listen.
If she says, "I was worried sick that something had happened to you and you don't even have the manners to return my call." You say, "You were worried?" She says, "Of course, I still care what happens to you!" (She's just open a trap door for herself... ;))
You could probably do this much better than I can, but it puts the ball back in her park whenever she comes at you with a question or statement you aren't sure how to answer.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Don't you even care anymore?" You answer by saying, "Should I care anymore?" Or if she says, "I was worried sick that something had happened to you and you don't even have the manners to return my call." You say, "You were worried?" She says, "Of course, I still care what happens to you!" (She's just open a trap door for herself... ;))
I like this a lot.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
It is funny.