My wife introduced the OM to my children this week

[MrBond]

I think you may be taking the "no contact" thing a little too far. I mean when you hang back and duck out when you follow your daughters, it sounds like you're running away and hiding. You're not showing confidence. If you really think you're the better man than the OM, you need to act like it.

You don't necessarily need to talk to your W, but it also sounds as if you haven't put your foot down in terms of any boundaries.

When you run out like that, or physically pull your D away from your W, you're not showing compassion to your D. True your W may be an absolute b*tch right now, but don't punish your Ds for your W's bad behavior.

Just my .02.

[stitch]

I think you may be taking the "no contact" thing a little too far. I mean when you hang back and duck out when you follow your daughters, it sounds like you're running away and hiding. You're not showing confidence

As my wife is staying in her parents basement, I would make sure the girls head to the back of the house where the suit is. The girls have told me this is where they should go at drop off and not to go to the front door. A quick text we are arriving to W and drop off. The girls are always eager to go see mom.

You're not showing confidence

Polite is what I am trying to portray. We have everything all sorted out each and every week thru e-mails. There are no questions to be answered during pick up and drop off’s …non.
The day I confronted W about OM co worker she said yes, then W threw out “we never talk” I said there is nothing we need to talk about if it doesn’t pertain to the kids. She was involved with OM before she moved out and the separation was final.

You don't necessarily need to talk to your W, but it also sounds as if you haven't put your foot down in terms of any boundaries.

Please elaborate .. “help needed” on this boundary thing. When wife is or is not with the kids she is with OM - bounders you say ?????? No comunication with her "my boundary "

don't punish your Ds for your W's bad behavior.

To elaborate, there is never a good exchange with D8 ever. I do not pull her from her mother’s arms I try and convince her she will see mom in just a few days. W prolongs the event with the good by a million times I love you a million times. The more w hangs around and says I love you the harder it is for me connect with D8. D8 has actually stood outside refusing to come into the house, or sits at the bottom of the stairs for a while. She eventually worms up and we have a big hug, wipe the tears and on with our fun filled days we have with each other. D5 is a champ, she will tell me how d8 is feeling and how we can console her..funny.

MrBond I will take the .02 any time. Thanks for the qustions I can ask myself

[MrBond]

Well first of all, have you seen a C about your kids? Right now your W is emotionally abusing them by saying how much she misses them and then leaving. Right there it sets them up for abandonment issues. Early on I had gone over this with my C.

Also, I don't recall seeing if you had told your W to not have the OM around your kids. True you can't "control" what she does, but in the eyes of the kids, imagine what they are seeing through their eyes. They see mom going off with another man and dad being okay with it. I'm sure that's extremely simplified but it's true.

Did you ever confront the guy and tell him to back off away from your kids? Doing the no contact thing is okay to a certain degree but there are times when you need to re-assert yourself as a man and take charge of what's yours. Which in this case is the kids.

If you aren't going to do that, then you might as well walk up to the L, get her served and sue the pants off of your W and the OM. I mean what else would you be waiting for? Another man is in bed with your W. It's your family.

But again, that's just my .02

[stitch]

Right there it sets them up for abandonment issues

W is thinging about her needs only..

Also, I don't recall seeing if you had told your W to not have the OM around your kids

I told her many ... many ... times in one ear and out the other. She is only thinking about her needs... did I already say that....

It was w birthday yesterday OM his kids all went to w's parents place with our kids for a bd dinner. How nice BLAAAAAA

well walk up to the L, get her served

In canada you have to be legally separated for a year and then divorse may be given.

Another man is in bed with your W. It's your family

.

Yes OM is sleeping with my wife...
I have battled for one year and the truth of the matter is you can't make someone love you period.
I have little or no fight left. All I do on this site right now is bitch.....

It's your family

WAS my family

[sandi2]

W prolongs the event with the good by a million times I love you a million times. The more w hangs around and says I love you the harder it is for me connect with D8

Yes, I know the type very well. It doesn't have to be a S to be like that! I can almost assure you that your W is saying things to D8 that is very negative about you and discouraging D's being at your place.

My advice is simply this: If you are to drop the girls off at mom's without any visual or physical contact....then the same should go for her. She needs to either have someone to intervene with dropping the girls off at your place or else work something out where mommy is not there when the "drop-off" is made. (Gosh, what a horrible term....drop-off. Sounds more like a kidnapping!) Maybe she could take the girls to a friend or relative, then she leaves, then you pick them up. I doubt they would be so emotional if moms not with them. The reason D5 is such a champ, is b/c she younger and mother hasn't been able to sway her. Believe it! I know how these women think!

IMO, you need to have a boundary about this very thing (dropping the girls off) and you need to know how to enforce a consequense for W if she doesn't respect this boundary. Think about it and what she could face that would not be desirable for her, if she did not respect boundary.

[stitch]

I have often wondered what W would miss if anything about me as all of her needes are being met by the OM.
I found one.
D5 has again started hockey last week 6:30am every Saturday morning. I was the one who would get up and do it all. W weekend with the girls next and she e-mailed me asking if I would be there to dress D5 and put her skates on. My shot gun reaction before thinking about it is to message her back and say.
“I will be there at some point in time but not that early”. Your (W) capable of the task.

W has the luxwey of leaving D8 at her parents home where W lives and only dealing with one child.
I will have to get both girls up at 6:00am on my weekend and make my way to the rink.

W made her bed it is time for her to sleep in it.
It is so sad that the only people who will be effected are the girls.

IMO, you need to have a boundary about this very thing (dropping the girls off) and you need to know how to enforce a consequense for W if she doesn't respect this boundary. Think about it and what she could face that would not be desirable for her, if she did not respect boundary.

I can almost assure you that your W is saying things to D8 that is very negative about you and discouraging D's being at your place.

No contact from me and absolutly no support..non.

Think about it and what she could face that would not be desirable for her, if she did not respect boundary.

Perhaps this a a good boundary if she chooses to play this game.

Stitch.

[stitch]

My W wants me to pick up D5 and take her to her 6:30 am hockey practice on Saturday.
This is her week with the D5 and D8. I was going to leave the hockey gear in the car port for her to pick up today and she can take D5 to her sport.
My mom said do it for your D5 not W.
Right at the moment I do not want to do any favors for W at all.... nothing torn on what to do.
W will figure out I did more than nothing.....
Stitch

[stitch]

One of W favorite holidays is Halloween. This year the schedule works out where I have the girls that night. I can’t believe she has the balls to ask me if she can come out trick or treating with us. My plan is to go with my brothers family and ever since W has brought OM around my children there is some bad blood brewing. My first thought was to tell W, go trick or treating with your OM (Co worker) and his kids. W is not getting the best of both worlds when it comes to kids and holidays. We both loose at some point during the year in regards to holidays

[stitch]

Tonight is meet the teachers at the school and BBQ for the kids. In the last 2 months I have but seen my W only when dropping off the kids and there is not a work or a glance by either of us. We will have to sit and talk to the new teachers for more than a second let me tell you. To make matters worse we will have to sit with the kids as they have their hotdogs and I would imagine they will be playing on the playground for a while after. I can feel my heart coming out of my chest already and I still have a few hours before the meeting. There are three meeting with the teachers all year and this is by far the most painful and emotional time for me second to none. I just keep telling myself it is for my D’s. My youngest started kindergarten and she is so excited to show dad her new class and teacher.

[stitch]

Meet the teachers came and went last tight. I went with my girls and visited there class and introduced myself. I told each teacher the living arrangements for the girls and the situation they were in. I figure they should be aware.
Meet the teacher went from 4:30 to 5:30. I was there at 4:30 and walked around with the girls for an hour. W as per usual did not arrive until 5:30. I left the school building as soon as W arrived in the class. Meeting the teachers was a really informal event, hence me keeping my distance from W. All the families were gathered outside and I did notice one strange thing with W she was holding D5 the hole time at the BBQ. Never put her down once to come over to me or play with the other kids. Weird. Once the girls had their food I kissed them good buy and I left. Wednesdays are always exchange days, hard for me of course.