I hear you. I just wonder if it makes me an odd ball because I really don't care much at all about sex. I wonder why we can't maintain our relationship on the other things.
It would seem to me that you have the most important part of the relationship intact. Clearly your W is either hurt,angry or confused in a way which made her choose to engage in an extramarital sexual liaison.
Since you have this fabulous emotional tie and since your W finally had the courage to tell you of her infidelity, it seems to be a question of figuring out what prompted it and whether it is something you both can work on together.
If she is not moving out and you want the marriage to work and if you have a reasonably intimate emotional tie still, there might still be hope.
The key I would think is to start listening very carefully.When she talks really try to understand and to reflect back to her what you understand her to say.
Forgive me if I am wrong but it seems that she was not able to easily come to the table with the news of the affair. She tried to provoke you into acting in a way which might either justify her or prompt her into revealing the ugly truth.
The choice to have an affair is a hard one to live with it would seem. Pinning it on a fault with you is the next easiest way to make the admission of guilt.
The next most important key would be to focus on yourself. Make yourself happy and attractive to be with. Create a life for yourself that she would want to share, drawn like a moth to a candle (with better results).
Don't make conversations about you. Let her talk. Draw her out. Make it safe for her to what she really needs to say.
You might consider a sex therapist after a while.
All is not lost. Sex is only one part of marriage. Often its the other stuff which is harder to come by.
