So we took the 2 day trip to leave our son off at the university. H on his best behavior at son's repeated behest. We had 2 fabulous days. I haven't seen H so happy in years! He was so nice, like when we were first in love. I was so happy even though I am on crutches. He asked to come home at the end, and make positive steps. We agreed, finally dream come true. However, when I finally hobbled into the house after H (took awhile because of all the stairs), my D17 seemed to have been crying. I wasn't sure since she had stayed home sick and had clearly just showered whether it was just histamines acting up to make her face pinkish. I looked at H's face and he looked calm so I just let it go. We all sat and laughed together. H stayed and stayed, finally left but wanted to come again the next day. I said sure, was in heaven. When he leaves D17 says she doesn't want him to come and that he had caused her to cry before I came in. She was "dismissive" in her attitude to him he had said. This broiled my blood. What could be more dismissive than leaving your family for another woman! So the next day I called and asked to postpone a week. I hoped keep the good feelings going. My foot was swollen and I re injured my hamstring during the trip so I was in pain. I canceled all my friends for the week because of it. I wanted to give daughter time to process. I needed to hear her side again. I needed time to think. I had read on this board the danger of jumping right back in and making the mistakes again because of not having discussed and deliberated on the issues which caused the marital damage in the first place. H got mad. Said he didn't want to be told when he could and could not come to his own house. After all he paid the mortgage on it he said. This is clearly a boundary issue. I don't know how to handle it. H feels that we don't appreciate how hard he works. "No other guy would have kept on paying for his family just because he love them." he said. I have said over and again, thank you and the kids have too. I can't break through his barrier of self pity. H said " After all I've done" you all treat me like [censored]. For the first time in 5 years I actually reponded to this accusation. I said," The key idea there is after all that you've done" Part of that all was leaving us.
