Why did you come here? Why did you post? Why did you log in? What was your purpose?
You had a goal and determination for one thing.
You likely googled: Stop Divorce stop affair
What happened to that guy?
By the way, what was your computer posion?
WOW?
Mine was City of Heroes or Battlefield I would play those all the while my wife and best friend were screwing each other and batting eye lashes at each other.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I think that's the MOST words on one page that I've ever seen from you. Thank you for your support and the great detail. I understand.
I haven't let go, I guess I'm just enforcing a boundary in the here and now. Setting her free is probably a much closer term to describe here? Maybe not fully applicable, but better.
At this point I can't reason with her or point out the errors that she is making nor make her understand anything differently. She obviously is doing whatever she wants without reservation, so I'll just leave her be. No contact is my best choice.
Everyone here posts based upon their experience and what they think they did or did not do right.
To me it seems that you are rushing forward to a divorce.
In your real life, it is more than likely that friends and family are encouraging you toward this goal, I mean she is cheating on you, disrespecting you and hurting you, what friend or family member is going to want you to stick around for that. We as people seldom want to see our friends and family hurt.
I do not see many people asking you to slow down, I see people glad handing you for sticking to a boundary. And...you know what? Good for you for being able to.
You came to Divorce Busting, not to learn just one thing...bounadries. But many things.
Including: If something ISN'T working change it. It is a pretty basic idea of DBing.
I am suggesting to put the brakes on, not the gas pedal.
A little kindness.
Boundaries do work, but not by themselves.
Protect yourself, find yourself.
Good Morning Jack,
My dissolution hearing is 09/30/10 (8 days away). Doesn't get any faster than that. I had a choice, give her dissolutionment or she threatened she would file divorce on her own. The advice I've read here is give her what she wants, you can't stop her.
This boundary has just recently been created. I've tried every WRONG way you can think of and it has gotten me no where except further away from re-conciliation. I'm dealing with a full fledged WAW in an Affair (that was only exposed recently). Unable to reach through to her and when she has communicated has been lies or alternative motive.
I'm protecting myself now from any further emotional damage. I've told her/asked her several times to stop with the lies and tell me the truth. I've no other choice but to cut off bad behavior and move to 3rd party communication. I do however, have the power to stop the dissolution if she does not cooperate. At this point it's only going to push her further away, but it will help me to leave our marriage knowing I did everything I could to protect myself and show her I will not be a doormat. Also on a positive note, maybe she'll see me lead for a change and show some self-respect.
Why did you come here? Why did you post? Why did you log in? What was your purpose?
You had a goal and determination for one thing.
You likely googled: Stop Divorce stop affair
What happened to that guy?
By the way, what was your computer posion?
WOW?
Mine was City of Heroes or Battlefield I would play those all the while my wife and best friend were screwing each other and batting eye lashes at each other.
I came here to save my Marriage. My title of my first post was WAW Wants To Be Alone. No affair exposed at that time.
This guy still wants to work on his marriage. It takes 2 to make it work at this point. I really do not have any other idea on how to go forward except set her free. I hate it, but it's reality. I'm just trying to be a decent person about it, not vindictive.
I played WoW, Conan, and WAR...always returning to World of CrackCraft. These games were the demise of any positive part of the old me. My Wife tried to reach me in subtle ways, but I was clueless and took her for granted. She got fed up a year ago (Summer 09) and that's when her change in behavior was starting to show. I'm still mad about my time lost, sh!t has been destroyed and I no longer play any MMO's.
Some one here...on DB told you to give them a divorce or dissolution hearing? Usually the adivce is to let the WAS do all the legal lifting, the LBS gets the best pitbull/shark lawyer they can but basically sits on the ball eating up time on the clock.
Wish I had seen that. : )
Quote:
...but it will help me to leave our marriage knowing I did everything I could to protect myself and show her I will not be a doormat.
Faith,
That seems to be far more about you than your marriage. Not pulling it out to an assh0le, or argumentative.
...knowing you did everything you could to salvage the relationship/marriage... I don't know.
Thats it.
Not intentionally looking to twist the knife. Not trying to brow beat you into my way of thinking or live vicariously through you.
I wish you the best of luck, maybe you are right about leading and self respect, no path is going to be easy for you right now, and I do not envy you for it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Not trying to mind read, but it's probably more to get something or she's feeling the effect of NC. I don't know anymore. I don't know what the hell I'm doing any more.
Busy guy takes a bit of time to think it over, checks his schedule, then realizes he needs to prioritize things:
"Why?".
I am always busy. For real. I have a painter coming over in the morning to look at the exterior of my house so he can work up an estimate. I need to shop for clothing tonight after work. Busy, busy, busy. And that's without all the crap I have to do around here on a daily basis.
And don't get me started on all the little projects I have been putting off.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/22/1007:49 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
