My wife informed me last night that she cheated.

[LasombraKnight]

But as someone has already told you, don't settle for a MR without sex.

I hear you. I just wonder if it makes me an odd ball because I really don't care much at all about sex. I wonder why we can't maintain our relationship on the other things.

Can you tell us why your W just suddenly decided to tell you about her A?

We've also learned that most WAW's will not tell you the "complete" truth about their A. What did you say to her or how did you respond?

We'd been having arguments over silly things lately. It was as though she were trying to pick a fight with me. Ultimately it was just that. I came home the other night after one of those seemingly insignificant fights and she was waiting for me on the couch. She first told me that she wasn't attracted to me anymore. I asked if she loved me. She said yes, but not that way. The conversation went on for a bit and she told me about the affair. After the initial shock of that revelation wore off, I did as I always do. We sat down and began to discuss the situation rationally.

You can get phone records, install a keyboad divice, etc. But you've got to be smart about becoming a detective.

That just seems paranoid and dishonest for me. Even through all of this, I still respect her and her privacy. I couldn't snoop on her like that. It just isn't me. It also seems as though it would put us on an adversarial ground when we're both willing to work on things currently.

I would look at that as a timeline when the A started.

I agree. That's also about the time that I lost control in my depression fueled drinking binge.

She cannot be attracted to you sexually if she doesn't respect you, first, as a man. Be sure you are the man she married....physically, emotionally, etc. Something caused her to lose interest in being intimate with you.

That makes sense. I know I haven't been the same man over the last year and a half. I lost my job. I lost my Grandmother. I nearly lost my Father. I was diagnosed with Chrone's Disease. All of that took a toll on me. Changed me. I want to get through it and get back to who I was before. I just don't know how.

What concerns me the most is how you sounded as if after the long talk....she convinced you to be her best friend....instead of her lover. That is called cake eating. She has the best of both worlds. Don't settle, don't ever settle!

I've thought about leaving for awhile. Going to stay in a hotel and cutting off communication with my wife for a little bit. I don't know if that's a good move or not. I fear that it would only make things worse. I'm not sure how to put my foot down on this tightrope I'm walking. I know how she responds to ultimatums and it isn't well. I worry that if I told her this is the way it is or I'm gone, she'd just tell me to go out of spite and our marriage would be over.