I'm not too worried about the agreement to raise the kids in the catholic faith. Everything in our history of raising them has been in the church - baptism, mass attendance, first communion, etc., so there is no ambiguity as to how they were being raised. There's no evidence for any lawyer to prove that there was any question on the matter. When I asked my lawyer about it, he told me that the courts would go by historical precedent. So even if my W were dumb enough to try to fight it, she'd lose.
Glad to hear the progress...however, you are treading on thin ice if you believe what you've written above. Your wife is nuts and you are not convinced that you deserve a faithful wife - hence, trying to negotiate her return to the marriage - so presently both of you are essentially not in your right mind.
Make sure your lawyer makes it legal about what faith they are raised in. I am telling you, if you don't, there's no way to enforce it. And if your own wife's pastor can't get through to her about her fake religion, you think that she's going to listen to you (the man she's cheating on) to be fair?
It's hardball. Get it in writing. If it's not a big deal, then having it in writing won't be a problem. If she agrees to it, the legal contract won't have to be enforced.
But if you don't have it in the contract, you have zero recourse except to appeal to your wife's Christian goodness. Which is plainly evident by her affair.
Look, I know it's hard, and it's probably something you don't want to deal with because the heart of your divorce is your wife is pretending she has faith when she doesn't. It strikes at the heart of this emotional situation.
But protect yourself and your kids.
It is worth it.
ps - When you got married, I imagine your wife told you that she's love, honor, and respect you? Forsaking all others? Maybe she'll keep the promise to raise the kids a certain way as tenderly as she did her marriage?
Sorry to be harsh, and honestly, if it wasn't about the issue of faith, I'd have no real opinion on this sitch. But it seems like you are either unwilling or reluctant to see the situation clearly.
Oh I fully intend to get it in writing. I will not leave anything out of the agreement; nothing will be left to trusting she will keep her word. I was just saying I'm not worried if she tries to raise an issue of it. She will lose hands down.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Doing well Spinfree, thanks for asking. The kids are fine too, as far as I can tell. I did hear our middle child ask his mom "Why don't you come back to the house? It's fun here!"
I didn't hear my W's mumbled reply. Sounded like she just dismissed the question and my son let it go.
I'm going to follow up with my lawyer today to see what is taking him so long with my paperwork. My W is going overseas for two weeks on a church mission, so nothing will be done on her side in the interim, but I'd like to have my changes incorporated into the documents to get them ready to submit to her when she returns.
She's been going through her benefits at her new job and we sat down to plan out the choices. She kept referring to what "we" will elect for the next year, since she has to repeat the process in January. Not from the standpoint of the implications of us being divorced, but planning for our normal family expenses for 2011.
She seems to be in denial that there is no "we" for 2011. I plan on getting all of this ended before the holidays.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
I get the we stuff too, Pigskin. I catch myself thinking that maybe she hasn't completely given up. Then I realize it's just an old habit saying "we". It really means nothing. Like you said, there is no "we" anymore.
I admire you strength and attitude and it is still something that I try to emulate. This D will devastate our family emotionally as well as financially. She just doesn't get it.
Thanks for your post to me. I know I will adjust as will the kids. I still worry about them, you know? Can't help it.
You are doing great and I hope to catch up to you in the PMA department someday soon. Continued prayers and good luck to you and your family.
I'm going to follow up with my lawyer today to see what is taking him so long with my paperwork. My W is going overseas for two weeks on a church mission, so nothing will be done on her side in the interim, but I'd like to have my changes incorporated into the documents to get them ready to submit to her when she returns.
I haven't read your older threads in awhile. If I remember, you told her that this is all coming. There is no surprise on her part. (except that you actually did it) Her mission trip, her committee, her church is what she is choosing over her marriage. I think that it is entirely appropriate to have her served when she gets back.
Originally Posted By: pigskin
She's been going through her benefits at her new job and we sat down to plan out the choices. She kept referring to what "we" will elect for the next year, since she has to repeat the process in January. Not from the standpoint of the implications of us being divorced, but planning for our normal family expenses for 2011.
She seems to be in denial that there is no "we" for 2011. I plan on getting all of this ended before the holidays.
The divorce will require emotional capital that she just doesn't have to spare right now. She's getting affirmation for going on her mission trip. She is caught up in the heady chemicals of her affair. She won't realize that it is a house of cards until she see the deck scattered around her feet and maybe not even then. She has some powerful self-talk going and the story that she's telling herself would make the Brothers Grimm proud.
Yep, it is quiet Spinfree. Pretty much business as usual.
Had a call with my lawyer last week and he should have my papers ready this week. I really want to get all this done before the holidays.
W and I had another long chat prior to her leaving. Amazing how often the same old same old gets brought up, but I just roll with it. Her tone is different now, but I've gone past putting any faith in it anymore.
I just try to listen and validate. I told her I was concerned with all the stress on her. How it must be rough with 3 school age kids in a one bedroom apartment. She said in a kind of irritated voice "You have no idea, so don't even say that. It SUCKS! I HATE IT!"
Don't remember how, but that led to a discussion of the stupidity of it all. It also led to her talking about small acts of kindness she has done recently for me, in response to me telling her I've seen nothing on her end to make me believe reconciliation is possible.
I told her that I was planning to have the legal paperwork ready for her return, and that I did not want to have any delays dragging this out through the holidays.
Before leaving for the airport, she gave me a long hug and began tearing up. Then a long kiss on the lips. I gave her a small memento to remind her of me while she was gone.
If you ask me what I expect when she returns, I would say I expect her to make some sort of preemptive move to delay the divorce. I don't know what makes me think that; it is just a gut feel.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
If you really think she wants to delay the divorce, give her Puppy's five minute boundary.
"I will delay the divorce if you agree to a no-contact letter sent in front of me and full transparency. These are my conditions. You have five minutes to decide."
If she doesn't agree to that, is there any point in delaying the divorce?
