The worst Father's Day ever!

[sandycay]

Well...not to much to update expect EX sent me a letter to gie to the kids which resulted in my D crying and my S throwing it down and saying I'm not reading it anymore..... It's starts off beautifully but then goes straight to his "I'm a victim mode" and it's all your fault.


Here it is:

Dear S and D,

For me to say that I miss you is the understatement of my life. I have not been able to breathe a single breath without choking on the air since June…my heart is truly broken over the prospect that I may have lost my son and daughter forever. My son…My daughter….those words used to make me so proud…now they burn a hole deeper in my heart every time I even think them. And you have no idea how often the two of you are on my mind. It is constant.

I do owe you both an apology for what happened on my last Father’s Day, I don’t get any more. I wish I hadn’t reacted the way I did. But I did. Honestly….I’ve been waiting for some kind of apology from you…either one of you. I see now that will never come.

I miss the sound of your voices….your laughter…Sissy’s hugs….knowing what is happening in your lives. I don’t know how to get any of it back. You won’t answer my texts…my calls…nothing. And that is all part of the problem. Somehow the two of you have come to think it’s OK to dismiss me…you have for a very long time and you don’t realize it. How would you react if your mother were asking or saying these things to you? And I’m not saying that’s wrong…you should respect your Mom…always. I’m saying that she doesn’t love you more than me…she doesn’t. She doesn’t want more for you….she doesn’t. She doesn’t need you more than I do….she doesn’t. And you both treat her like you should and I hope you do forever. I just don’t…can’t…. for the life of me understand why I’m not afforded even a fraction of that as your father. It is the 5th Commandment. There are no provisos. And that should be the case and the foundation that we are operating upon….but it isn’t. You don’t and won’t….and so….we all lose.

I have no rights….no authority…..nothing. Not when it comes to either of you. You have both shown me very clearly that you won’t show me the respect a father deserves….I won’t ask for it again….ever. Quite honestly, I don’t even expect a reply or even a reaction to this letter other than disdain. I have disappointed you both so much as your Dad. For that I am sorry. I wonder if I ever did anything right.

So my question is, what do you want me to do? Disappear? Stand in the corner and wait? And for what? What is it you expect? What have you been expecting? All you have to do is say so…and I’m there. Because believe it or not…I’m still ready to catch either of you should you fall or even trip. I have been since the day you were each born. I’ve done my best to protect you, guide you and provide for you. To teach you what I thought was important. I laughed with you even when something really wasn’t very funny and tried to show you how important that is in life.

I hope you both can forgive me for not being perfect some day.

I Love You,
Dad



Some beautiful things he said but he had to mix in his same old tired speech of "I get no respect". That's why he left and had an affair BTW.

This was my reply... I told him I would let him know when they had read it.

EXH (aka donkey)

I gave the kids each a copy of your email.

D sobbed in my arms and went to bed. She is hurt by what has happened
and that she doesn't have a daddy in her life and she is hurt that her Poppy
said what he did on Facebook.

(For the record, I tried to get them to call him today and wish him HB but they refused)

S asked me to email you and tell you this.

" I didn't answer the phone because I was driving." He is not allowed to talk on the phone while driving the car. He also said that he can't "deal" with this at the present moment. This is all very upsetting to him.... he was in tears.

You don't know this but your son has 4 AP classes.... college level and two jobs (one he will be starting soon) (amazing that some people can't find work and OUR boy has two jobs isn't it? ) and is still swimming and volunteering for church.

He says he isn't mentally able to "deal" with
anything else right now. I've tried to get him to give something up but he feels he needs the money to help pay for the insurance and gas and have spending money.

I will stand by my conversation with you that until you can assure me that you can handle your anger differently with our kids this situation will not move forward. I don't ever need to feel the fear that I felt on that day.

You don't need to be in the position of not being able to control the situation. You stated in your letter that you don't expect they will ever respect you so if they don't .... I don't know what the outcome would be in that situation.

Please refrain from using the commandments as you have broken a few too...
we all have and you don't like church anyways now, those are not my words but your sons.


On a side note, and this it totally unrelated to the kids. I feel like your dad is "mocking" me by all of his "running" post on Facebook. I know that my Nike runs for my IPOD that you and the kids got me for my birthday post
my runs there. I know I am the only one that it shows up on his FB that Sandycay ran 5 miles in 45 min at a pace of blah blah blah. Then he started putting on his all that about running 3 sec to fridge to get a beer and who gives a crap stuff. I thought it was funny, until the "who gives a crap"
was put behind it. Son is friends with Poppy as well and noticed it too.
It really seems pointed at me since the post read off like my running post
and he has put multiple ones on there regarding this. So, I have a few of
our friends around the US that run and post times along with me..... Jessie, Loree , and others... we are all training for different things and friends motivate us and comment about their runs. I am not sure what the
purpose is but I am sure as he posted about children not abandoning their
fathers was not directed our kids but just something he randomly though
about .... which is BS and you know it. Now, I know that you can't tell him anything but these things hurt the kids as well as me. Others that are
mutual friends see it too. There is no reason for this, I have done
nothing to your family to deserve this ... nothing. We've been abandoned by our family and it hurts. Family ... what a joke of a word.

Sandycay