Not mind reading but noticing the possible coincidence.
Yes it is. It's trying to guess something you don't have access to. And even if you're right, how do you know how that will play out as things unfold?
The more you engage in this kind of thinking the more you reinforce your mind to continue doing it.
When you see it happen do your best to ignore it and let it drift away just like it drifted in.
We'll see means there is no meaning put on the event at all.
This is reality - she changed her facebook status. She had "all good things must fall...." last week. I read them.
That's it. No meaning. End.
None of this --> I wonder what it means. Is it me she talking about and our R? Maybe it's her and OM falling? Maybe it's about something she lost? Maybe about her job? Maybe a comment meant for a friend of hers? Maybe...
It's hard not to follow the thought stream because of our compulsion to know what is happening NOW so we can guess the future. Even if you knew exactly what was happening NOW in all of it's reality, it still doesn't give you answers about the future and where NOW is heading.
Cut the head off the snake.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Even if you knew exactly what was happening NOW in all of it's reality, it still doesn't give you answers about the future and where NOW is heading.
I understand what you see as my tendency. However, rest assured that it is more of a curiosity as opposed to a prediction.
It hasn't changed my plans. It hasn't changed my mindset. I've said before that until she is literally asking me to talk about us, I'm not altering anything. And even then, THAT conversation wouldn't change my course either.
IF the affair ends, AND she wants that conversation, AND a No-Contact letter is sent; AND transparency is established: AND we remain in separate residences for a while and date a few times,I don't intend to change anything.
I get it, Steady.
I just saw something odd occur. It coincidentally lined up with my best interaction to date and the status from last week. It hasn't changed anything. It was just "notable" as it struck me funny.
The FB Request was ludicrous. And I was quite astonished that "she/they" would actually try that.
There's no difference between a curiosity and a prediction. The process is the same. Why the curiosity? That's what you need to ask yourself. For me, that 'curiosity' still hides the desire to know underneath it.
The mind is a devilish creature. When you 'cut it off' from thinking from a predictive pattern it will change it to a different 'intention' - ie: curiosity.
Don't dismiss it too quickly - Why are you 'curious'? What would happen if your curiosity were answered? What would that give you?
I speak only of my own experience here CD. It may not be the same for you. It's what I saw my own mind doing so I bring it up here for you to see and look at.
I feel as if you missed the meat of my last post and went right into 'I'm not doing that' mode.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
When you take care of the 'gross' mental masturbation, the ones that are obvious to see, ie: "She sent me this text, does it mean she is coming back" type thinking, then you start to see the more subtle levels of it. One of those subtle levels is the mind trying to convince itself it has a different intention other than trying to figure everything out in an attempt to predict what IS going on and what WILL happen. I pointed out a subtle one in that post.
Feel good. It means you have progressed far enough to not get caught by the big and obvious mind games. As you learn to nip the more subtle ones, and repetition and vigilance is key here, your mind will become calmer and calmer and your ability to just 'we'll see' and stay in the NOW will get stronger and stronger. Believe me, I'm going through it right now and continue to work on cutting out the compulsion to know what IS and what WILL BE.
You're doing great.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I had a phone call from her this morning. I handled it like business other than a comment about how awful she sounded with her pneumonia.
We got onto the truck and taxes. No progress and she's going nowhere asking me questions. Yet she got around to 'when are we selling the house'. I turned it back to "first things first"
Anyway, I've been watching another tread today. And it is appearing to me that I have been missing something and/or should be reviewing my perspective AGAIN.
Originally Posted By: J3B
Take all the games and tactics out of it, and no they really aren't games. Take all that away. Prior to all of this all this affair and seperation crap.
The guy who isn't (XXX). The guy you were, how would he respond?That guy...barring the crap you don't like about yourself and you should get rid of .....
That guy, you're going to be when you aren't (XXX)one day. The guy who read the man-books and liked what he saw, saw what he wants to become.
How would he answer?
Cause that who you are/will be.
Most of us here know how we would answer, or address this...but only one person here is getting those texts.
The why of what you do, sometimes just as important as the what of what you do.
Is this what feels so unnatural about what I'm doing now?
I know I want to be more "fiendly" to W as we all know she is in crisis, so to speak.
But I am torn on my approach.
1-Doing so would be more in line with the CD she fell in love with and the man I aspire to be once more but with improvements (CD v5.0)
HOWEVER-
2-Being that "positive" would technically be making the advantages of CD somewhat available to her
3-It goes against the dictum that "while she is in the A, I am not available as it is across my boundary."
4-It could delay her hitting bottom/ease her guilt
5 Taking a stronger lead in the Separation (as I am doing) is still helping her navigate through/clean up her mess.
Apologies but I feel I am at odds with myself right now.
