Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[dsh4320]

John are you feeeling the the love yet!!!! you have to get a grip on yourself, I dont even readabout your S anymore, get a f#cing clue already, your a mouse in a game of get the cheese. wake the f#ck up already+!!!!!

[sandi2]

WAY TO GO JOHN!!!

I think you handled yourself perfectly! Did she follow script, or what? When she asked why were you acting like that, and you just stood there with the door open for her to leave....that was perfect. Not one word in a comment like that or it will certainly lead to R talk. Beautifully done!

The clothes for S was an excuse, of course. I can tell you that she was shocked that just sitting next to you didn't make you go all melty over her. So, she pursued and even had the nerve to say ILY (bet it was hard to not cut lose on that remark)but you didn't respond.....perfect!

Now you have more confidence. You passed this test. You know you can do this. Good, b/c now you will become a "challenge" to her. So today, you can expect TM's from her wanting to know what last night was all about. Don't respond. Whatever you would say would lead to an argument. She is going to get ticked anyway b/c it didn't go down like she planned. So expect her to tell you something along the lines of "See, I went there thinking that I would try to make things better between us, but now you've really messed up. I even told you ILY and you acted like a cold fish. It will never work between us". Hummmm, something along those lines.

Anyway, don't react to anything. Try not to respond to TM's or calls. If she does get through in spite, ask her if son is okay and when she starts in on last night....tell her you have a lot of work to do and need to go. Let her scream or cuss or whatever.....well, don't listen to that, hang up. But what I mean is don't even attempt to keep her from getting mad. She'll be mad b/c she didn't work you like a puppet. So, good! Let her be the one to feel rotten for a change. She didn't want you, so why is she upset?

That's my prediction for this morning.

You can do this John!

[pinhead]

Be strong, John.

[john28]

Yeah, I don't want to accept the ataboy's yet. We'll see what today brings. I have to see her again tonight when she drops our son off. After than I won't see her until Friday.

[soleil]

Keep this up, John. Do not react to her.

Maybe you can tell her that from now on you don't want her to call unless it has to do with S.

And darnit, I missed the 70s round table.

Oh and for the love of God, can someone please tell me what "tagging" is?

[john28]

Tagging = spouse tries to sex you up as a tool to keep you in their pocket. Much like a graffiti artists "tags" their territory with a can of spraypaint.

[soleil]

LOL. Thanks for 'splaining. Love the the graffiti reference.

[john28]

Soleil - I think I will tell her not to call unless it has to do with S4.

That's a good first step. I have alot of things going on in my mind about what to do, but I think that is a good first step before I incorporate the others.

Some other ideas I have, which I like feedback on:
1. Don't take any calls from her at all, but only call at bedtime to talk to S4.
2. Don't answer texts, emails, fb chat.
3. Tell her that I'm done, and moving on, and that I no longer want to work on the R and M, ever again.
4. Serve her with a letter from my L after I get retainer squared away.

Just some thoughts.

[soleil]

I agree. Don't talk to her at all unless it's to do with S and/or separation agreements.

[john28]

I need some advice on how to phrase that I don't want her to call me anymore except concerning our son. I want to seem confident, and not weak in a way that I don't want her calling me "because it hurts too much". That's not what I want to say, and that's not how I feel. How should I phrase it without being mean or harsh, yet understanding and stern? Something like:

"W, I've been doing some thinking, and I would prefer if you only called me about matters concerning our son from now on."

If she asks why.... "It is just how I feel right now."