I sent H a text and said I couldn't do dinner Thurs and suggested he might invite D to his place instead. This gives me time to think about next week's arrangements.
Cas, I'm sorry that this happened. This has to be very frustrating for you. Your response sounds smart. I have to agree with Twink and punkin on this one. Boundaries.
I've been following your thread, but I don't remember if you've had similar situations in the past. The closest I've had to this situation is when XH invited me to a movie, but then tried to reschedule the night before our planned matinee so that he could have his cable TV fixed. He wanted to reschedule for the following weekend. I had a session with Jody a few days later and on her suggestion I sent him the following e-mail:
"I wanted to follow up with you about your movie invitation for this weekend. I’ve been thinking about what happened last weekend with your wanting to go to the movie and then changing your mind on fairly short notice. It made me realize that I’m not sure either one of us is in an emotional place to have a friendship right now.
Why don’t we take a step back for now. Perhaps in a while we will be in a place where your life is more manageable and I’m less vulnerable. Making plans and then breaking them isn’t something I can roll with right now.
I will continue to be available to help with X-MIL if she needs my help in the future. Feel free to have her use my number as an emergency contact. Take care. GAG"
This episode happened about 6 weeks after our D was final so I wasn't really working to prevent a D at that point. Your situation is different in that regard, but I still think your H cares very much for you. Setting a boundary with him (in a gentle way) will make him think that you may NOT always be there for him.
After I sent this e-mail I went pretty dim for 3 months. There was contact here and there but my e-mails were short and to the point. 3 months after this e-mail XH turned a corner and began to be more receptive. He hasn't changed plans on short notice with me again.
