In particular the part about requiring sincere remorse before a marriage can be healed is an interesting concept from a woman who has seen it all and counseled thousands.
(2) As to the "older men" who advised you, I (as an older man) would also like to give you some advice, take your infidelity with you to your grave, if you can. Unfortunately, you have put it on the internet, which means that there is a potential for your wife to find out. You may have even told her. I would advise you never to tell her, because it will just make reconciliation more difficult. I would also advise you to figure out to become seriously remoseful about it.
If you decide to divorce, because of her attitude, so be it. We can not change our spouse and it truly takes two to repair and keep a marriage strong.
Finally, I recognize that we are all human and that no one set of "rules" applies to everyone. I wish you the best of luck in finding a path that leads to long term happiness.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
