I can't say I would rather one or the other (divorced or not divorced). I do feel strongly about both parties having their divorces wrapped up in full before anything serious happens. IMO one life has to be totally "finished" before another one can start.
Divorce provides an awful lot of life experience and it's a type of experience a non divorced person really can't relate to. It's not a bad thing per say, just an observation.
I think once you reach your 30's most people have had some type of long term R so it's doubtful anybody is going in blind to the trials of a R.
Children also play a role (not a bad one but they do play an important role).
I'm not sure there is a correct amount of time to wait to date. If you mean dating as going to dinner or something casual I guess it's when you feel ready. Anything more though (for me) has to be after a divorce is final.
I used to think I wanted someone that had not been divorced but either single or widowed. Now I don't dismiss the divorced because you can learn a lot through the process, though I won't say everyone does.
As far as dating, it took me a year and a half after the divorce to start going out and even then it wasn't a lot. Having 4 kids can and does take a lot of my time. I want to make sure they are doing well but I have also learned that I can't always put myself on the back burner.
Everyone, just like every situation is different. You will know when it starts to feel right.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I will caution that our WASs too could be in the same dating pool as us the LBS. I *think* I would prefer a LBS so at least I know I have a decent start- of course, there are no guarantees in life.
Childern play a HUGE role into this equation. Most people with dependant kids can't relocate and part of their time is devoted to raising them. Understandbly, not everyone will be ok with that.
Dating wise from my own experience even as a guy going out on a couple of innocent (no kissing etc) dinner and movie dates felt very odd. I felt out of place, like my mind was telling me I don't belong here. But then, if it's someone I really really like I would imagine it would feel different. It's probably the chicken and the egg situation though i.e. how do you like someone if you don't hang out with them? That's why I find it easier to meet people through a fun activity and thank god for the Internet and places like meetup.com. You instantly share something common so you can talk about it as the stepping stone, you're in a group setting so there's not a lot of pressure and if it doesn't work out it's no big deal because you're not there to date, you're there to hang out and have a fun time.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
The child free person (Me!) has a much different perspective on dating a person with children.
IMO it feels monumental because I don't have children (yet). To the person who already has children it doesn't feel that monumental because they already have children so I think it seems like less of an issue to them. I don't use the word "issue" like it's an unpleasant one but to me it is an issue as in a HOLY SH*T type thing.
When I went on my date(s) I felt like I was cheating on D. It was a totally bizarre feeling.
I haven't gone on any dates yet. I just don't feel right even asking until the D is done and even though I've been out a lot with a lot of different people I never really felt a spark with anyone other than church_31.
So some of it may be I haven't found someone yet.
Last year, around Thanksgiving, I went to watch a folk band play with three other ladies. One of them wanted to see the Michael Jackson movie and the other two didn't.
So I went to the movie and it felt very, very strange being there with someone other than STBXW. It also was a very enjoyable movie. We joked about the 80s and every other thing.
There was no "date night" tension I'd felt for years the few times STBXW and I were out together without the kids.
I'm looking forward to the rush again I guess. IMO it would be easier to date someone without kids and never married. You wouldn't have as much scheduling and divorce drama to deal with. But someone who has been divorced and knows the pain hopefully will have gone through the same improvement steps we are trying here.
There's no perfect answer for me.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I successfully db'ed with my current wife 7 years ago. She came back into our relationship and started anew with Co and everything. Now she is gone again..
