Look, I'm not trying to beat you up over your affair; you did it, it's over, nothing I say changes that and you feel like it worked. Fair enough. But I also don't see anything I posted that I want to take back just because your wife cheated on you first. In fact, I took that into account the first time, though of course I didn't know all the details.
You're right, that's a long list of heart-breaking things she did to you, and it's easy to see why your heart got broken. But the fact remains that you're selling an affair as a solution (NOT as a mistake you were justified in making because she cheated first and you were heartbroken, but a positive step that will make things better.) I know you think it was, but I don't see how. You got revenge and an ego-stroke, and I guess if that's all you were after then that's a success, but it obviously didn't fix your marriage. It's dangerous for people to take that advice.
What she did was wrong. What you did was wrong. What she did was done before what you did. But that doesn't make what you did a good idea. If someone punches you in the nose and walks away, you will be filled with the urge to chase him down and punch him in his nose. You could do it, and it would give you a nice feeling of revenge and an ego stroke . . . but time won't end when you punch him, and you may not like the consequences after that. Even if it works out for you when you punch him, that doesn't mean it was the right thing to do, or that it was the only thing to do, or that other people should do it . . . and when you start advising people who haven't even gotten punched yet that they should go ahead and throw hands first because it really helps, someone has to step in and point out that it's a bad idea.
