Just wanted to post a little update since I have not done so in awhile.
Things are basically status quo around here. H is acting friendly, but not happy. He's participating at home but he doesn't seem fully here. He is kind but not affectionate as a husband should be. In other words, it's like having a roommate and not a spouse. I'm sure this is because he still has not regained the old "in love" feelings. He continues to not be inappropriate in any way, in his actions, so I can't complain there. I've even been going on his nightly jogs/walks with him when I can.
Last night I was really baffled. We were watching House and he made a comment about how House (the main character) should tell Cuddy (another main character) that he loves her...and later, when House tried to tell Cuddy their R would not work, H was commenting that he shouldn't be that way. NOW! Can you imagine what I was thinking during his comments???? OMG: he hasn't told me ILY in forever! Doesn't kiss me - doesn't even hold my hand! And he's feeing bad for CUDDY?!!! SIGH.
Another interesting observation: my dad called the other night and H spoke to him but only briefly - barely said 2 words. My mom even commented about it. (They know nothing - live 1,000 miles away.) My dad thinks the world of John and John of him. I can only guess that John is still not totally committed to the M if he can't bring himself to have a decent talk with my dad.
I am continuing to GAL. I am SO busy with school - and now the house since the fire - that I feel I am doing the best I can. I've barely had time to get on here and post much lately. However, I can not shake this depression I have over my R lately, no matter how busy I am keeping my mind. I'm having a rough time dealing with the loneliness I feel over the loss of my partner in life. I don't know how long I can continue this kind of R with H. The kids are good with it because all they see is that mom and dad are getting along and no one's leaving, etc... On a personal level, however, it's not the kind of R I want for myself, obviously.
I don't know what else to do here. H does not seem to be budging or moving toward me at all. I feel trapped in limboland.
Any thoughts? I have been getting together with friends and joined a small group of women at church that get together once a week. Lots of stuff going on with the boys...and doing group projects at school. It isn't that I'm not around people enough. I'm just sad over my situation and don't know how to change it. It would be easier for H to not be around than for him to be around all the time and me feel constantly rejected.
