"A new study found that soul mates may be a nice idea in theory and in chick flicks, but not so much in real life. In fact, chick flicks could be wrecking your relationship. "Couples who believe in soul mates have such high expectations of marriage, and when those aren't met they're more likely to enter into conflict or even end up getting divorced," explains Bradford Wilcox, PhD, Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He added that these types of couples expect an intense positive emotional connection all the time, which sets them up for disappointment"
HAHAHA!
Director of the National Marriage Project- seriously? They must have been desperate to hand out titles there.
Just because they have a PhD doesn't make them the authority, in fact, people with PhDs are usually a little out there anyway
As for falling in love again yeah you know what they say? If at first you don't succeed, give up!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Falling in love is the easy part. Too many people though mistake being "in love" with long term sustainable love.
When you are getting affection, adoration and sex from somebody new it's REALLY easy to be "in love" or more likely "in lust".
Eventually that high is not so present though and a deeper love has to develop or the R will not grow. I can't remember the exact number but I think it's anywhere from 18-36 months for the "high" feeling to move to normalcy.
It's comical (and hurtful of course) when a spouse proclaims they are "in love" with the OW/OM. As my H is learning almost 3 years later he was VERY in lust and now, well, now real life is back and it's not all he thought it would be.
When one's biggest decision is who's apartment to sleep at or where to go to dinner I'd imagine life *is* pretty easy!
I guess it goes both ways though and that is why the LBS is warned about rebound R's.
Most people are very ill prepared for marriage. Everybody believes that "love" will see you through. Making divorce laws more stringent won't do a thing as people will do what they have to do to get out of a situation. Funny though people don't go to any great lengths to get IN the situation of marriage.
Funny though people don't go to any great lengths to get IN the situation of marriage.
So true.
They say: It's grand to get married, it's a 100 to get a divorce. That's more applicable here lol
I'd love to bash love but I think different people have different interpratation of it. How do you explain the old couple down the street who've been married for 30 years and still love eachother after all these years?
"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it." - forget who said this.
and...
“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. That's what love is.”
Of course, I think the difference between the WASs and LBSs is that we still believe in things they stopped believing in and on that pricipal I still believe in love.
I'd better shut up now...my non-manly side is showing.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Some people are better suited for one another but I am not sure there is a way to gauge who is "most right".
It's a very interesting place to be. As LBS we are more apt I think to explore lots of avenues in our new lives (and I don't just mean romance). When a long term affair is happening the WAS is pretty "locked in". The LBS has better evaluation skills based on their experience alone.
People come in and out of lives for a reason - not everything has to be so defined IMO.
I think the big problem is how the court system could ever prove who the WAS is. I do however think there should be some legal consequences in every state for infidelity. But that too could be difficult to prove.
That's what judges and lawyers are paid for. If they can't prove or disprove why should the innocent get punished to the tune of half of all their assets and more? If people can't easily get a D without mutual consent then there better be solid proof or remedy. In your case and mine proof was a slam dunk.
When a long term affair is happening the WAS is pretty "locked in". The LBS has better evaluation skills based on their experience alone.
What do you mean by those statements?
Wanna hear something funny,guys? I was talking to my mother the other day and she was saying how if she were young nowadays, living in "thsi generation," she would never get married. She and my father have been married for 35+ years now. It gave me a chuckle because it was so ironic. LOL.
Just gotta get thru the slump 1st.