Mr Bond, I'm guessing you were dealing with a non-MLC spouse? I believe they use "control" as an excuse to get away with bad behaviour. With the MLCer, I found, the problem was that he had been controlled, abusively so, as a child. But until he was ready to face up to the fact his mother had treated him so unlovingly, it felt unconsciously "safer" to put the blame on me. But that didn't mean he didn't genuinely feel a trapped child's need to escape from control, just that he couldn't tell where that feeling was coming from.
Goodfight, if your H is ever going to come out of his MLC, he will first need to recognize that it's the control of his own family members which he resents. If he manages to take his life back for himself and firmly relegate them to an appropriate position for the FOO of an adult, only then will he be able to complete the task of growing up as an independent man.
