On two ends of the world.. #2

[TimeHeals]

You could yes.

You could tell him that it is disrespectful to be doing this by email.

[Coach]

I would like to ask him to call and then say that while divorce isn't what I want, I understand that this is his decision and that I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm not respected. But if he says he won't call, I don't want to seem pursuing.

He won't call he's immature and unsure of himself. He already has D papers heading your way. There is a high probability he has a OW. He has no reason to call. Just agree with him, let him go with no pressure.

Have you been to a L? What you say right now doesn't matter, your actions now will help you thrive thru a tough near term future. Are you taking care of yourself?

[TimeHeals]

Coach is probably right.

[soleil]

Okay, a question. I'm about to write him "While I do not agree with your decision, I respect it. Call me tomorrow (Wednesday) so that we can discuss it further."

I like this.

What if he answers no, or says that there's nothing to talk about or asks what I want to talk about?

If he says no or doesn't answer, that is his problem. You should start calling around for Ls/consultations, Ris.

[ris]

I didn't write him anything. Ultimately, whatever I say now doesn't really matter in the long run, does it?

I looked up divorce laws here and we have to be separated for 4 years before the divorce an be granted. Where will he file, in his home state?

[TimeHeals]

I looked up divorce laws here and we have to be separated for 4 years before the divorce an be granted. Where will he file, in his home state?

He's in the military and deployed, so I don't know what laws apply. That's where an attorney can be helpful maybe.

[ris]

He's not deployed, so the special conditions don't apply. But I don't think that a lawyer here would have any clue about D in the States and surely not about the military...

[KellBell0820]

Ris, are you sure that this doesn't count as a deployment for him? The same way going to Korea kind of does (they still get tax free pay, etc)? As for what to say, well . . I'm not sure. I too think that this is really something that should be discussed via the phone but everyone seems to be agreement that he won't call . . so I'm just not sure.

[ris]

This morning I wrote him back "Ok". On afterthought I wanted to say something to the effect of "Ok, your choice" but I had sent it already. He answered an hour later and said:

"ok, for our situation we should file an uncontested divorce since we have no joint property or children and have never actually lived together.

if you don't have any issues with that we can start tomorrow."

Why all the "we"?? It's him, not me... Yes, I'm bitter. I don't think he has a L, he probably just talked to legal dept and that's what they told him. You can do a DIY uncontested divorce and that's what he seems to want.

I have so many questions I want to ask him. Like why he decided not to try to work on it. I would really like to hear an answer.

Also, I kind of feel like this is a test, like many times before. A test to see if I will fight for our R or just give up. Like he'd say he doesn't care and if I then say "I know you don't care" he would be upset that I really think so...

Oh and on a separate note, his best buddy just broke up with his girlfriend because he found out she was cheating. So I'm pretty sure that the atmosphere there is not woman-friendly .

[TimeHeals]

if you don't have any issues with that we can start tomorrow."

Why all the "we"??

Probably because both of you must go through the process. A better question, and I think this is what you are getting at, is where is the "I"?

I have so many questions I want to ask him. Like why he decided not to try to work on it. I would really like to hear an answer.

Exactly, you would like to know what he is thinking, but there is no talk of "I" in his communications.

I kind of feel like this is a test, like many times before. A test to see if I will fight for our R or just give up. Like he'd say he doesn't care and if I then say "I know you don't care" he would be upset that I really think

Mind reading. Not that it will probably do any good, but you could tell him that you are agreeing only because you don't want to be married to somebody who doesn't want to be married to you. Why should only one of you fight for this marriage?

Oh and on a separate note, his best buddy just broke up with his girlfriend because he found out she was cheating. So I'm pretty sure that the atmosphere there is not woman-friendly

I'm kind of interested in how you know this about his buddy if communication is as sparse as what you have typed here.

The rest is more mind reading.