On two ends of the world.. #2

[TimeHeals]

The only thing I think that matters at this point is what is going to make ris a stronger person going forward.

I don't think anything else is important right now. If you think that dropping the rope without asking for an explanation is weak, then don't do that

[ris]

What do YOU need... for YOU?

I would like to ask him to call and then say that while divorce isn't what I want, I understand that this is his decision and that I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm not respected. But if he says he won't call, I don't want to seem pursuing.

On a separate note, if he wants D so bad, why wouldn't he call just to put an end to this?

[TimeHeals]

would like to ask him to call and then say that while divorce isn't what I want, I understand that this is his decision and that I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm not respected. But if he says he won't call, I don't want to seem pursuing.

I think this highlighted^^^ part is almost irrelevent in this case. It's not like you are begging him not to divorce you, etc.

One the one hand, him not even calling to drop this bomb is kind of disrespectful. I'm not trying to work you up, however. You decide what to do, and then go do it. Just no begging

[soleil]

I would like to ask him to call and then say that while divorce isn't what I want, I understand that this is his decision and that I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm not respected. But if he says he won't call, I don't want to seem pursuing.

Then do this. Do whatever makes you feel best, Ris.

And I agree with TH 1000%. Absolutely NO begging.

I don't know why your H didn't call you and chose to send it in an email (I think we all agree that is pretty weak) but he has said his piece and it's your turn to respond.

[ris]

Okay, a question. I'm about to write him "While I do not agree with your decision, I respect it. Please call me tomorrow (Wednesday) so that we can discuss it further."

What if he answers no, or says that there's nothing to talk about or asks what I want to talk about? Do I then say what I have to say through email? Or just forget it?

Or insist that this is a divorce so not to be taken lightly?

[TimeHeals]

Whatever you write has to be written with no expectation of a response.

For example, "Discussing this only by email is kind of disrespectful, don't you think? Call me so we can discuss this properly".

[ris]

Whatever you write has to be written with no expectation of a response.

For example, "Discussing this only by email is kind of disrespectful, don't you think? Call me so we can discuss this properly".

*scratches head* How is this with no expectation of a response? It says "Call me"?

[TimeHeals]

You wanted a message that says for him to call you.

I just re-worded it so you aren't saying "Please" like he's doing you a favor and pointing out that it's kind of disrespectful the way he is handling this.

If he doesn't call (don't expect it), at least you told him he's being disrespectful in a respectful way

[hurtinhartford]

ris,

I am not in the position to tell you one way or another what to do. However, my W did the same thing to me last week by emailing me and aske me for a D. I immediately agreed and told her that I wanted her to be happy and that I deserved to be with someone who wanted to be with me. I am not sure if that was the right response, but it is how I felt and still feel.

I have since retained a L and filed and my L will work with my W to ensure that the D is uncontested. So I guess I am following Gucci and Robx in truly letting her go. PH was giving me heck a few weeks ago about detaching and due to my W's darkness I was further along the deatchment path than I thought.

ris, I guess I am telling you to give your H what he wants! You cannot make your H love you and want to be with you and ris you deserve more in a relationship than a few I/M's each day. What makes ris happy??...go out and DO IT!!!!

[ris]

You wanted a message that says for him to call you.

I just re-worded it so you aren't saying "Please" like he's doing you a favor and pointing out that it's kind of disrespectful the way he is handling this.

If he doesn't call (don't expect it), at least you told him he's being disrespectful in a respectful way

I could drop "please". But you would only hear the "don't you think?" remark from me if I was angry.

Taking a step back, why am I asking him to call me if I'm 90% sure he won't? Shouldn't I just email him back with what I want to say, then I don't have to capitulate once he declines?