Ominus Bonus

[steady]

Thought I'd drop this here. Can't see it enough times as a reminder:

Many lack the tools in how to deal with the bumps and see running as the answer to escape their pain.

Changing seats on the titanic.

They have to learn that they are the only ones responsible for their own happiness. It doesn't come from someone else, it comes from within.

This is a big one. I know my W thinks I am the problem and I would guess a lot of WAS's feel that same way about their LBS. If I get rid of the problem (LBS) then my problems will be solved. I'll find someone who isn't a 'problem' for me. Unfortunately wherever they go there they are. The same patterns, the same cycles only the scenery changes.

They have to be left to their journey without interference as it is the only way they will ever have a chance to resolve their issues.

They have to do this by themselves. We are the last people they want to point out the obvious. They'll just resent us more - I have learned this first hand in my sitch.

You let them go to walk their path. Where they end up is anyone's guess.

Just remember, their past and present behavior doesn't equal their future behavior. If it was like that, none of us would be here.

We got the epiphany, you can't guess if they will or won't. Absolutely impossible. They thought we would never change so they were wrong.

CD, I've followed you from the beginning. You're a quick study and like me, you'll dig until you're satisfied that you have the answers for yourself. IMO there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're not obsessed and living your life. Sounds as if you're doing just that. You're going to be better than OK no matter how your sitch turns out.

Continue to take care of you and your beautiful D.

Welcome to the MLC board.

SA

CD, I think you're searching for an answer you won't ever get. I believe it's just not possible because there are basically an infinite amount of variables.

It boils down to this - they are doing what they are doing and it doesn't matter why. Knowing why doesn't change anything. Sure, you see their issues and what those issues did. But it makes no difference except if they want to return. Then you have solid things you both need to work on.

You do the work on yourself. They walk their path - either their paths cross ours again or it doesn't. There are many people who divorce and stay separate for the rest of their lives, and there are many who split/divorce and end up reconciling later on after they both go through the growth they need to go through, or not.

I have boundaries set in my mind if that day ever comes for me. I don't expect it either way, so I keep moving forward on my path. I have no clue how the future will unfold. But I am responsible for me, and my W is responsible for herself. Period.