2 years later it's still not getting easier

[LucasE]

Hi, I've just read your whole story because we share much in common. My ex also has family money and is beautiful and never looked back and is loving her new life and lets me be the great dad and I ask the same questions as you do, over and over. It's been three years now for me and I still ride the same roller coaster and have to see her more often than I would like because of kid events and kid hand offs. I was hoping to get to the end of your story and find a way to deal with my latest discovery, but alas, you, like me, haven't gotten there yet. However, I wanted to add something that may have no bearing on your sitch but as it might, maybe we could work through it together. SO, yesterday, I dropped off the kids stuff at our old house as scheduled but left my phone in a backpack. When I returned unannounced an hour later to get it, she was in the bedroom with a friend of mine. I didn't see him, just his car but, it was enough to satisfy my suspicions and allow a new kind of thinking about how my 3 year story really has been playing out. Her unbelievable ability to reject our perfect family this whole time has been because she has been madly in love with my friend and nothing else mattered. She and he have been hiding it this whole time and probably for some time before that. The waves of emotion are huge but I've become such an expert of my version of DB that I imagine that I will continue to act as I do. Being kind, and fun, and funny and the best father. I can only hope that this latest discovery can help me to see her for who she really is and not as the perfect partner I continue to hold on to, but I doubt it, as I move incredibly slow in this respect.
My reason for dumping this on you is because I believe that there must be a reason that your ex is able to move on without looking back. Her heart was probably already taken care of before you found out. She is probably the person that you fell in love with but during the early years with the kids she allowed herself to fall in love elsewhere. I realize that this is a harsh accusation and I don't know you or her and I may have crossed the line, but the questions that we share are the same.
What would you do? So far, I have done nothing. Her response to my first ever unannounced visit was to bring the kids over unannounced three hours later and act only a bit oddly as if she was trying to make sure that I had seen nothing and make sure she still had control. But something inside is finally dying, I hope. I refer to your several exclamations of being over it. I, like you, don't expect her to wake up any time soon especially because she has been having a blast these last years. The man of her dreams and an ex who overcompensates with the kids giving her more freedom than she ever imagined.
A side note here, when she and the kids showed up it was moments after a beautiful lady had just left and I almost had to deal with explaining it to the kids and reveling in the reaction of my ex, who most likely would have been relieved. I hate dating. I am not ready, but I do it as a GAL. It goes, great date, bad date, mostly because I bring up my ex to try create a safe distance between anyone trying to get close. Avoid it at all costs.

Anyhoo, thanks for sharing your story and I hope you will continue to write as things get better with time. If you can get there, than maybe I can follow your path.

There was one story I found in here about a guy named Persistence or something that waited 5 years and finally turned it around. I've fixated on his story throughout my 3 years. My family and friends and therapist think I'm nuts, and his story is about all I have to hold on to now. I don't know if it's real, or placed there by some nerd who thought it would be funny to waste my life waiting but I'm sure I would do this anyway.

Hang in there, enjoy the good stuff, and thanks again.