I think the big problem is how the court system could ever prove who the WAS is. I do however think there should be some legal consequences in every state for infidelity. But that too could be difficult to prove.
It all comes down to believing that someone else can complete us and MAKE US HAPPY! It's a fantasy but we all buy into it in the Western world. Somehow it's a huge shock when it doesn't happen so 50% of couples break up as at least one partner feels the need to keep looking for that elusive happy maker (or thinks they've already found him/her) and 25% of couples just say to hell with it and stay married anyway and maybe, just maybe, the other 25% really are happy because they've probably figured out that the stupid fantasy is just what it is...crap! So that's my uplifting view on the subject of M and D, hopefully never to be expressed here again
I wonder how much is just so deeply embedded in us that we don't even realize it's there? It's drilled into us since we're this high through movies and culture and the emphasis on romance etc. It's hard to recognize for most people. Glad you've mastered it Sol! Btw, apparently my wife didn't believe in the "one" either, so she went out and got herself a second!
Perhaps if the property settlement were always decided in favor of the defendant in a D (the spouse who did not file), then perhaps people would think twice about breaking a M. Or be extra careful about who they M in the first place.
I am beginning to think that the spouse who wants to dissolve the union should be prepared to forfeit all rights to deciding property and custody. Walk away from your commitment, walk away from it all. It certainly beats what we have now, where the wayward can reap the windfall.
I just read this on Yahoo, which should be re-titled "Yahoo! Here's one more thing that will destroy or endanger your life" site. They just love to pump out wonderful news items that say "you should be anxious in this world" Thanks Yahoo! Maybe I'll change my homepage, I'm getting tired of the sky is falling mentality there. Anyway, this goodie fits with what we're discussing, to some degree anyway (Just remember the news media loves "new studies" regardless of the legitimacy of a single study on a subject being studied):
"A new study found that soul mates may be a nice idea in theory and in chick flicks, but not so much in real life. In fact, chick flicks could be wrecking your relationship. "Couples who believe in soul mates have such high expectations of marriage, and when those aren't met they're more likely to enter into conflict or even end up getting divorced," explains Bradford Wilcox, PhD, Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He added that these types of couples expect an intense positive emotional connection all the time, which sets them up for disappointment"
Haha. I wouldn't call it mastering. Maybe I will meet a nice man some day but I no longer believe in M being the be-all, end-all. It's hard to believe that when you have been in our sitches. It's a great fantasy to think that you meet this one person and everything is golden from that point on but that is not reality.
I agree, the one who wants the D should not think they automatically get everything in the D. My H wants the house and no settlement, lickety split. He is adamant about that, too.
It all comes down to believing that someone else can complete us and MAKE US HAPPY! It's a fantasy but we all buy into
People in our lives (or lack thereof) do not make us happy. Things in our lives (or lack thereof) do not make us happy.
Or rather, these things do not make us happy for long. We habituate to that kind of happiness very quickly.
Just "Being" in the moment and not thinking for a time can make us happy. When our minds (egos) are noisey, we aren't in the moment, and we miss that quiet joy.
Not that you can just go around like some hippy on a perpetually good acid trip, always in the moment, always at a distance from your ego. But... you can be happy almost no matter what (I think it may be harder under extreme physical pain, but even then... "you are so focused on the physical pain, you don't have time to make yourself emotionally miserable", says my ego--smile).
I've been thinking about this lately (There's my ego again--smile). Our ego is a tool. It isn't who we are. Our conciousness is more than our ego, it is more than our emotions. Part of who we are can only be reached if our mind is quiet sometimes.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Oh happiness... I have always considered myself a "happy" and positive person before my sitch went down. For about 1.5 year now, I have felt mostly unhappy. What's up with that? That is a long time to be feeling unhappy. I am not sure what that means.
That is a long time to be feeling unhappy. I am not sure what that means.
Usually? Usually, I think (I have to smile when I think "think") it's holding onto past negative emotions (disappointment, resentment, anger, regret, embarrassment, and so on) or outright fear or a negative view of what the future holds. That's our ego at work, and it can affect our emotional state, and our emotional state can, in turn, drive our busy and noisey ego to try to fix things. The perspective trap
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/21/1003:25 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
