You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Still battling the blahs today. Going from woe is me thinking to defiant "I'll get through this" and "the best revenge is a life well lived."

After school, waiting for the sitter to show up and MIL comes over. She's picking up D11 for her theater class and she wants to just pick her up from me rather than wait for the sitter.

I didn't want to see her -- I don't want to see anyone connected to STBXW right now -- and I wasn't exactly all smiles for her.

I so know I'll be OK in four years (when I hit 45). It's just a matter of getting through the days, weeks, months and years. Today sucks for some reason.

[ClingingToHope]

I forgot anger. That's cycling in, as in I can't believe I married a .....

Anyway, at least I've got some freebies coming today. Play day with free lunch for our local golf hall of fame and now I'm going to the dinner and awards ceremony.

Plus, basketball tonight from 8:30 p.m. to 10 p.m.

[CityGirl]

It can't suck THAT much if you are getting a free lunch and dinner!

Why 45? Why is that your magic numbe?

[ClingingToHope]

Well, I'm 41 now and when I visualize where I want to be in a few years I like 45. When I was 40, the girls wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. They'd just watched Marley and Me and the wife there threw a surprise 40th for her hubby.

STBXW shot it down. She let them color me a banner. That's it. They were confused at the time. Now they know why.

So D11 and I have talked about it. When I turn 45 we'll have the party they wanted to throw for me at 40.

I hope by then to be out of credit card debt and into a house that I own and have published one of the two books I should be working on and in a financial position that I don't HAVE to work three jobs.

Dinner was excellent.

[whatisis]

When I turned 50 I decorated my apartment and made a special dinner. My girls said "Daddy, you did all this for yourself? That's kind of sad!" Wow, thanks kids! I had a good time anyway.

[ClingingToHope]

D11 performed at Peace Day today. I've gone both of the prior years. This year she wanted me to chaperone and I said yes.

We show up at the park and low and behold there is STBXW. This park is just down the road from her place of employment and yet she couldn't make it the prior two years.

Interesting how she's finding all this time to break away from work now. The girls even said she goes home at lunch sometime to let the dog out. She'd never leave before -- too busy, too dedicated.

Anyway, she left after a couple of minutes and then came back later. D11 had a disappointment. The music director gave her the wrong instructions and she missed her big part in the performance. So she spent the last two hours moping and crying.

The second time STBXW came back she came to sit with me and D11 and I didn't say a word. Still not ready for the "Hi" "Bye" pleasantries.

Luckily, as chaperone I had official duties so I got up and rounded up some girls and then found a place in a separate spot to watch the performance.

Still had some woe-is-me thoughts. Tried to reframe my thinking when I got to D11's school. I am a single dad now. There's nothing that's going to change today or tomorrow. Don't ruin the day for D11. Concentrate on recovering financially, physically and emotionally.

In golf, they are called swing thoughts. For me, they are "life thoughts."

[ClingingToHope]

Ugh, Comcast switched over to a new billing system and hasn't been billing me since June. So I had a $224 bill that I had to pay to restore service.

I am slowly but surely going broke. I am supposed to get at least $11k in a settlement ... but as I look at these numbers it's going to be extremely difficult for me to keep up.

Tough night.

[smith18]

Is Comcast cable TV? I saved myself a good amount by cancelling my Dish Network service 2 years ago. Free over the air tv works just fine for the kids and myself. And recently, I cancelled my home phone service because all I ever used it for was to receive annoying telemarketing calls during dinner.

[ClingingToHope]

When I move into the new house at end of October I'm going to switch my plan to the very basics -- I just need the regular channels, ESPN and the Disney Channel, Disney Family and Nickelodian.

Everything else is unnecessary. I may be able to afford the DVR option then.

I already save by just having a cell phone -- although I did have to go to unlimited texts. And I don't have a computer or Internet. I use company computers with a 3G card. I do enough from home that I get away with it.

[soleil]

^ I too have Comcast and get the bills emailed to me. Have you tried that CTH?