How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[NotCrackingUp]

Thanks all of you.
My internet connection was on the blink for a while, so I wasn't able to post. I'm alright; I have good and bad moments. I'm hoping to spend moments when the situation is totally out of my mind, but have not been able to as yet. It's always there, it seems to define me, somehow, it colours my every waking moment. However, I can feel better than I did. Some of my natural good humour and optimism are coming back. I do spend some moments feeling great waves of jealousy, loss and negative feelings about the future. I let them wash over me (prayer helps) and eventually manage to come out the other end. I must retain some hope and positive feelings, otherwise I might as well give up.

My H was 'free' this w-end (kids with me) and we had no news of him, neither myself nor the children. I spent a few rough times imagining him sowing his not-so-wild oats ( well, the cultivated variety, actually) with every free young lady in the district. The OW seems to be a thing of the past, but he shows no sign of coming home. Early days yet, I suppose. He did say, back in August in a fit of 'pique' that he "wasn't counting on remaining single", but more recently he said he just wanted time and was giving me another "chance" to make some changes. I know, I'm only to believe half of what I see and none of what I hear.

I have set out boundaries and don't contact him. I'm getting on with life and getting organized on my own. I go to work and try to concentrate and do it well, but I feel distant from it this year. Will shortly start art classes and go to the gym regularly, to get my middle back in shape and boost my confidence. But I feel I've made life too comfy for him. With one notable exception, I haven't been angry, just seen my own faults. I did on that one occasion stand up for myself, and have hardly set eyes on him since. He's avoided all contact and so have I, just text messages concerning children. All this is letting him off the hook, rather. Apart from the fact that one of his kids won't speak to him and the others prefer here, no-one is standing in his way. On the one hand, that allows him to see that his p'blems don't stem from me, gives him "time" to think. On the other hand, who's to say he's not just waiting for the dust to settle, everyone to accept what's happened and life to go on with him foot-loose and free. I've no guarantee he'll want to come back later (he's evoked this possibility on several occasions, but just to stall me?).

I'm detaching, though. And all the anger is coming up inside me now. I sometimes even wonder if I could bear to be close to him again or even want to. I wasn't angry before, it's a stage and I'm in it now. Of course I still want to DB, but not at any cost.

We would need to talk, without the kids. This current texting with"I'm leaving now, kids are dressed" or " I'm home at 19H" is fine, but there's a lack of communication. He never meets me. How long is "time"? How big is "freedom".When should I start demanding we talk and try to work on an M? Torn between patience and a certain amount of anxiety. Thanks for all the sterling advice, all of you. Must go catch up on your posts.
NotCrackingUp