I do feel I am MUCH better prepared for the last phase of our legalities. Honestly, I am slightly terrified.. okay, I am REALLY terrified but I have a much better understanding this time around of why certain things need to happen.
This is sort of my space to say every crazy thought that enters my mind. Much of the stuff that happened I had mentally blocked out and it's only with the help of my C that I am starting to remember and process them all. My C said that when you reach a certain level of internal trauma your brain helps you by blocking out certain things. It's only in the past few months where bits and pieces of things are coming back to me - and they come back in bits and flashes at very odd times (while I am shopping, walking the dog). I know when this happens I can go one of two ways... back to anxiety (no!) or use my tools (C, outlets, humor and the many other things I have learned).
I joke about things that are really not funny but c'mon - I can process one way or be pacing for another 12 hours in a state of utter anxiety.
I have made LOTS of mistakes but the one thing I am forever proud of myself is getting my panic disorder to the point it is now. It's not "fixed" but it's 8 million times better.
