Dane, thanks, I know piecing is difficult but if the rules and boundaries are in place from the beginning then it should be less hard. That's why it's good to have healthy boundaries in place.
I read that a lot on here, by some veterans too. I disagree. The boundaries you need to set are your boundaries. Decide on what is unacceptable and what is. Have your own 2 feet on the ground and whatever you consider as "rules" "boundaries" etc let them be carefully thought and all things that come from within. Dedalines, ultimatums etc are things we say to others but only bind us. Do not forget that. You say you want her to show you she wants it. I did too from my H. I still do. And then I went ahead and expected him to show me a certain way. Receipe for failure. This isnt a black and white thing. This involves 2 people working together, compromising and being flexible. Not to principles, to the way you will get to where you want to head. Stick to your guns but expect to be ready to decide which battles you will fight and which you are willing to "lose".
