Lawyer Tuesday. Not sick this week so I will make it.
After checking my account today I noticed that the day after she stopped her direct deposit, she used her CC to pay for a weekend getaway. Charged over $300. Kind of funny since she said she has to pay "rent". Could have charged it on purpose so I'd see it too. Not sure, but this is why I'm separating everything and she can talk to my Lawyer from here on.
No more contact. I re-read that Overcoming Infidelity Protection Phase and all I'm doing is wishing on a falling star when I try to come to an agreement with her. I'm very mad that I have to go through this, but I'm sad that she's having these issues too. It is like an addiction. You can't reason with a drug addict either, so I'm starting to view her in this light.
I've screwed up a lot in this whole process, but I'm starting to think that if she's in this fog, that maybe not talking to her at all will make her know that I'm done. My goal is not to be vindictive, even though I'm angry. Hoping to just get the best possible outcome for me moving on. Whether she comes back or not.
She was paying the bills, but I was the one that figured how much we had to spend or how to spend. However, for the last year I wasn't really watching anything other than our account. I did not know about her hidden account til a few months before bomb was dropped.
The statements I found not that long ago shows she was using the account for partying and self goods.
Now I believe her funds have dried up, she's pulled her deposit, and now she's using her other CC. She stated "Rent", but then I find hotel charge(You have to use a CC, but the fact is it's still money not being spent wisely). I have a feeling she's treating other people and OM all the time without any regards to her own financial well being.
That's why I'm wondering if this is part of the Wayward addiction pattern. I keep hearing "don't think she wouldn't take your money or clean out your accounts"...so I've stopped that risk, but was curious as to why they do this?
I'm just going to protect myself and treat her with kindness, which is how I want to be treated. Is that empathy or just me taking control of my life?
_________________________ I wouldn't say it's empathy and it is not necessarily taking control of your own life.....but it is a good place(good attitude) to start moving on. Just be careful about being "kind" and see that it does not turn into being "doormat". There is a difference.
I truly admire a man who is confident in who he is and is so sauve, composed, and charming...and can treat people with wonderful manners....and at the same time, those people just "know" that they would not dare to do this man wrong! See what I mean?
Quote:
is it normal for the Wayward to pay for the Affair partner?
JMHO, but I think it might depend on her personality before she became a WW (and also on the OM's). If she has a tendancy to want to buy things or be the one who pays for the event, etc., then she may spend on the OM or the hotel. I do believe WW's spend on things that enable the A.....like buying new clothes, etc.
One reason for protecting your money is that WW's could make a number of irrational decisions that would wipe your accounts. The OM/A would no doubt be at the bottom of her reasons whether she spent directly on him or not.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm just going to protect myself and treat her with kindness, which is how I want to be treated. Is that empathy or just me taking control of my life?
_________________________ I wouldn't say it's empathy and it is not necessarily taking control of your own life.....but it is a good place(good attitude) to start moving on. Just be careful about being "kind" and see that it does not turn into being "doormat". There is a difference.
I truly admire a man who is confident in who he is and is so sauve, composed, and charming...and can treat people with wonderful manners....and at the same time, those people just "know" that they would not dare to do this man wrong! See what I mean?
Quote:
is it normal for the Wayward to pay for the Affair partner?
JMHO, but I think it might depend on her personality before she became a WW (and also on the OM's). If she has a tendancy to want to buy things or be the one who pays for the event, etc., then she may spend on the OM or the hotel. I do believe WW's spend on things that enable the A.....like buying new clothes, etc.
One reason for protecting your money is that WW's could make a number of irrational decisions that would wipe your accounts. The OM/A would no doubt be at the bottom of her reasons whether she spent directly on him or not.
Thanks for your insight, Sandi.
I'm done being a doormat. I just need to some how slow this derailing train so I can get off as fast and safely as possible. At this point, NC is ez, but I feel paralyzed with how to proceed. I'm hoping the L will satisfy this issue.
Side question, other than a mediation/attorney, is there any other type of service that acts as a mediator/3rd party communication other than an attorney? If there is, does anyone know what they are called?
