Good. Congratulations on the golf tournament! When she starts demanding the "I love you's" tell her that she has rejected you time and again and you are not attracted to her the way she is acting. You can't say that what you feel is love.
If she had stayed longer at Retrouvaille, she would have learned that love is a decision. She has decided that she will not love you. She has told it to you again and again. Since love is a decision, not to love is also is a decision. That is the choice she has made. She can stop saying she loves you when she has clearly decided NOT to love you. She cannot overcome her own decision unless she makes a new, opposite decision. But where she is today, I guarantee you, is decidedly not loving you.
Where were you 1 hour ago? More drama since then.
She called me and gave me whole, why didn't you answer my calls, why didn't you talk to me, yada yada. I told her I was busy, my Dad was in town, which I was. I didn't tell her I didn't want to talk to her.
So she gives me the whole, stop pursuing me I don't want to be with you right now speech, and I'm like "wtf, i haven't been." She's trying to pull me in. Same crap behavior.
Then we get off the phone. I have told her that I loved her a couple of times throughout the conversation when she has said it first, then we hang up and I just say bye, no ILY. We normally end our conversations with "ILY, bye bye". Nope not this time from me. She said it first, and I just said bye.
Not 5 minutes goes by and she's chatting me on fb saying "Why don't you say ILY anymore.. blah blah". I didn't know what to do so I just said it wasn't a big deal. She says it was, I say sorry didn't notice. Anyways, so I say, "Sounds like you don't want to say it anymore, which is OK." She replies back that she wants to, and we should say it forever to each other because we should always love each other, we have a kid together and we have a shared history.
I reply back that is utter bullshit. That the "always love, kids, history" isn't enough to keep us together? I just give give her a sigh. She says you know why we can't be together right now, but maybe we can in the future but not the near future. Ugh - more crap behavior.
I almost ask her how her future boyfriend or spouse would feel about telling their X that they love them on the phone. But I didn't
I really want to call her and say what you said Lotus - that she is NOT acting from a place of love for me. She is acting from the oposite. She isn't choosing love. She is choosing the opposite.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
re read what you wrote, you both create the drama, you engage it just as bad as she does. I cant believe this is still going round and round, no progress at all.
Don't worry. this will come up again, and again. You will get your chance to tell her. Just start practicing the words so they come out of your mouth. And make sure you say that she is choosing not to love you. Many people think the opposite of love is hate. In this case it is simply a question of loving or not loving. You don't want to accuse her of hating you. That will start another argument.
She called me and gave me whole, why didn't you answer my calls, why didn't you talk to me, yada yada.
So she gives me the whole, stop pursuing me I don't want to be with you right now speech, and I'm like "wtf, i haven't been." She's trying to pull me in. Same crap behavior.
John, this is CRAZY. Read those two things you wrote. She calls you upset that you aren't after her then five seconds later upset because you are pursuing her???
Please leave her be. It is for your own good, her own good, and for your mental health as well. You guys doing this dance is getting you nowhere. It is very unhealthy.
John, Everyone on here is being patient with you, however, you continue to do the wrong things.
You talks should only be about the kid, nothing else. What part of don't engage do you not understand. No ILY, that is wimpy, no relationship talk, be a man and go get your own life.
No, it's cool. I am GAL and trying to ignore her and any and all R talk. Don't want it. She keeps bringing it up, I don't. I see the value in not talking to her about it. From now on if she wants to R talk, I'm just going to say, "I'm not ready to talk about us anymore right now." And leave it at that.'
Oh, forgot to add - last night she said that she didn't want to discuss anymore custody/financial arrangments or discussion until we go to mediation because she feels like we can't work it out on our own. I said I'm cool with that. Just playing Mr. Cool and not getting into conflict.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I think it's time that I box up her things and store them in my detached garage.
I'm not doing it out of spite though. Before now I probably would have just packed up her crap and put it in boxes just to piss her off or get a reaction next time she was over at the house.
I just really want all of it out of my house. I'll pack it really well, very nice and neat. Labeled and everything. I'm not angry about having to do this, I just need to start moving on.
It hurts that I have to do this, but I know it is necessary. I know a lot of people here pack up their WAS sh!t out of anger but I don't think I'm that way right now. The past 3 days of little contact with her has given me a little more clarity.
I'm just sad that I have to do it. So, I'll bring home some boxes today from work and start the process. She's trying to move forward, I should be too. She's made it very clear that she can't work on a relationship with me right now. I have to be OK with that.
This is just one more step towards trying to detach and move on. It hurts, but it's a necessary hurt.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
