I had raised the idea of a divorce a couple of years ago because we always seemed to be headed in slightly different directions.
I believe that deep down we both watned the same things out of life but saw different ways of getting there.
I'm not sure whether he never forgave me for suggesting a divorce or whether it's just because we didn't put in the work required when we saw the cracks appearing.
I do know we could have done tons more to fix the relationship then. I guess we made the stupid mistake of hoping it would all go away. When I asked could we not try to fix things properly this time he said he was sick of trying, but couldn't give me any examples of what efforts we had made. It's clear now that we surely didn't communicate well.
At the moment my goal is to get through this, whatever happens. If STBXH decides he would like to work on our marriage he knows how to contact me. In the meantime I've got a heap of work to do on myself. I need to take a good hard look at myself and work out why I didn't put in the work a couple of years ago. I need to work on being happy in myself so that if we were to attempt to reconcile I'd be in a better place to do so, and if I do end up on my own, then I need to be ok with that too.
You want your STBXH to contact you to let you know if he wants to work on the marriage?
I'm assuming you have brought up getting divorced several times to him in the past.
So he got your message eventually after being told several times that you thought it was a good idea to get a divorce. But now that he got your message you take back what you said and want to work on it?
Technically speaking, I would tell any LBS to do what your husband did. If a spouse wants out so badly, you let them go, you move in that direction full force and you give your determined WAS exactly what he or she wants. You wanted divorce (or said as much), after a while he got the message and agreed with you, he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with him. I hope others read this to see that letting go of a spouse who wants out of a marriage is really one of the quickest ways to get them back.
I'm not saying that your STBXH wants you back or is scheming to get you back but I want others reading this post to see that it actually does work instead of fighting against divorce, begging & pleading, chasing/pursuing, etc.
Oncemore, I will tell you this, go find your husband, tell him you were wrong for preaching divorce to him all those times you had problems, tell him that it's a bad habit you have of quitting and tell him that you want to work on the relationship if he will give you a chance. Tell him that you will arrange for MC and put in the required effort and stop showing up with such a crap defeatist attitude when it comes to problems with your relationship. Tell him you won't beg or plead with him to stay married but you would prefer to stay married and you want to show him that you think marriage is worth it even though for so long you have showed him otherwise. Be sincere but don't beg.
That's it.
You dug this hole, you now have to put the effort into climbing out of the hole, don't expect him to put any effort into this since you've spent so much time convincing him you wanted to be divorced. Admit you were wrong and tell him you sincerely want to work on the marriage again.
