Understand this, there is nothing (let me repeat that...there is nothing) you can do that will appease her. This is a mistake made by many (myself included).
^^^THIS^^^. Me, too. Amen.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
no kidding! the old cry and save me technique...women use that and sex to manipulate men.
so time to end this expensive drawn out divorce! I hate the fact that the lawyers know how much you make so it makes me suspect they are comfortable dragging this out....like "he can afford it." or something.
(sorry to the lawyers on here- although I don't know if there are- but I just don't trust them when it comes to FEES!!!!)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
OldFool's message sure sounds like what I've been trying to tell you (and he is from Oregon like myself!).
Dont let her suck you in.
You have to play some hardball otherwise you are going to get screwed over.
And dont worry or try to figure out what she is thinking or her agenda. Or whether you are going to piss her off. No one is happy going through a divorce. You are miserable, so why should you bend over backwards to make it easy for her?
In the end, if you stand up for yourself, your XW will respect you much more. But the most important thing is that you will respect yourself more.
OF, good to see you again, hope things are going well with you. You, Kerry and NM should hang out! I hear you on her continuing to ask for more and more because I've let her. Last night she texted me saying 'Please leave my toll-road pass in DD's backpack tomorrow. Thx' I'm tempted to reply 'I don't think so, you can have it after the divorce is final' - because that's probably what she would've said to me.
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The only difference will be how much she gets out of you in advance before ripping you a new one in court.
No worries, I'll bring a bottle of KY jelly
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Tell your L that it's time to wrap it up. The longer this goes, the worse it will be for you. Finish the D as quickly as the court will allow and at all costs. It's the only way the two of you will be able to disconnect from the situation and each other.
I'm with you- that's what I've been trying to get done lately but honestly mentally wrapping my head around the financial loss makes me want to delay the inevitable, I know it's foolish. While I don't think about it too much I feel just how antlers feels about his wife getting rewarded for all the chaos and causing damage to the family, finances, relationships...everything. I hate these divorce laws.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I'd like to create a law that is you walk away from a marriage you have to make a 30 min. video to put on YouTube. The WAS will be required to stand in the corner and speak their transgressions.
It's not foolish to want to delay a dissolution that will create havoc on your fiances. I guess though, at this time, you don't even know what the final outcome will be. I do agree... it feels the WAS gets rewarded.
I'd like to create a law that is you walk away from a marriage you have to make a 30 min. video to put on YouTube. The WAS will be required to stand in the corner and speak their transgressions.
Bitter much? This too shall pass.
This is why the number 1 priority is always protecting yourself, your assets, and your kids (not in that order) in these situations
If you catch the WAS when they are in a big hurry to leave and just give them what they want, sometimes they don't ask for anything and just walk away leaving you with everything.
That's a better position to be in even if they want to come back.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/20/1005:11 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Sure, it *will* past that a man who has made well into 6 figures for some time has lost the majority of his income, retirement and assets. It certainly will past but take quite some time to recover from.
And S *did* protect himself right off the bat. In fact, his legal counsel is make up of THREE attnys... one being a pure litigator, a family law attny and the senior partner of the firm. The temporary orders were put in place days after his W left. And before you say find a new attny... he did. Twice.
His W never had any intention of coming back and has reamed him financially at every turn. Read the thread instead of giving advice that doesn't pertain. His W set herself up very nicely by waiting for the 10 year mark to pass AND remaining unemployed for some time. His W left him without a dime in her pocket, retained C and nabbed him to pay for EVERYTHING (housing, car and her legal fees). And she won (won meaning in a legal sense).
Can you imagine making well into 6 figures and not have a penny of debt other than a house payment and still not be able to afford a 6.00 trip to the grocery store due to the MASSIVE amount of spousal support and child support and insurance he was ordered to pay? On top of all of that he is now being ordered to pay even more.
It's easy to make judgements if you have never been there. Sure, it will pass but not anytime soon. Money doesn't grow on trees no matter how hard you work. S is commuting THREE hours per day to work at the job that makes him the most money so he can meet these damn obligations.
I do wonder what would happen if you took a lower paying job closer to home. Would you be exactly where you are now? I mean of course she will get a lower amount but proportions would stay the same I am guessing. If she isn't making it now, she won't make it with less and would force her to get a better job. You at least wouldn't be spending all of this time commuting just to pay her.
Ok just a thought. Call me crazy!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
