Need some encouragement

[kissak]

WEll, had a semi good weekend but not because of my H. He was his usual self as of lately. He decided again late Friday night he was going out for a few beers, maybe even go to wmart. He says this about an hour after I asked him why we dont do anything on friday nights together anymore. His excuse was because we do things during the day. I was very upset but didnt let him know that.

He told me he would have taking me out on Saturday night, but I already had plans and he didnt have any money. Easy to say when I already had plans and he couldnt take me anyway.

He came in about 3:15 am that morning. I didnt ask any questions at all.

I however went out Saturday night with some friends for a bachorlette party. I stayed out till 3:30 myself!!!!(im too old for that btw, lol) BUT I had a great time and he didnt really ask me anything about it. He acted like he really didnt care. Even when I left for the party, I kissed him goodbye, and asked him how I looked. He said " Im not going to comment on that". OK< THAT is the last thing he needed to say when Im headed out to have a good time!!!! Im sure he wanted to say "how come you never dress up like that for me? UHM, probably cuz you dont take me anywhere!

Another thing is he always half heartedly gives me kisses, most of the time on the cheek. BUT let me give him one with no feeling and he is like "what was that?" He is so confusing to me!!!

I have spent yesterday and today trying to remind myself that this whole mess, IS NOT MY ISSUE! Its NOT MY FAULT that he is being like this. I can NOT fix it. I need to quit thinking there is anything I can do to change him or his thinking about me. He always makes me feel like there is just something wrong with me without coming right out and saying it! He has NO desire to do anything for me or himself. We are just coexsisting right now. I feel used. He has a friend with benefits here. I cook, clean, take care of the kids, take the trash out, do the shopping, he would have me paying all his bills too if I would let him! and dont forget sex too. AND he gets to go out and party every friday night with his friends! He has it made I guess...some men would think so anyway. Maybe he has no plans of leaving anytime soon. Why leave someone who does everything for you.

Ugh! Im still in that place of now knowing what to do. AND the anticipation is killing me of what he is going to do. YET, Im trying to be 'still' and not do anything, because whenever I do, it always backfires on me!