Nothing fits

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mish,
Whilst I wouldnt phrase things the way OldTimer does, I do agree that I was a bit surprised by the way you FINALLY asked Gabe..it wasnt the best timing and therefore, I guess there was a bit of drama about it. You could have showed some self control and waited until there was a good space for the two of you to have a proper talk, without you having to get up and leave immediately, leaving the guy hanging? And you didnt get to explore what he meant.. you kind of reacted with hurt, then left.

Also.. you are still behaving very wounded and hurt and trying to draw reactions out of him (understandable after what you've been through, but is it a way to keep a man in piecing ??).. to say to him "well I obviously love you more than you love me" or however you put it.. is that really true? It that quantifiable? Maybe in fact, Gabe loves you more becuase he has no reason to be angry/hurt/resentful with you like you do with him. You have a lot of unresolved feelings! But thats an aside.. what I thought when I read that, was - how do you think that made him FEEL when you said that, and then left the house? Can you imagine? I imagine it made him feel like crap. Guilty, ashamed, like a using b*stard (maybe he is! I cant tell).

I agree with Bobbi that he is maybe trying to help/love you more than you see and maybe if you lowered the walls/defences/pride down a little there would be more room for him to do that? Its the same thing I was always saying to Maria!

In answer to your question, I think, that with the situation you have been in, with a very sick dependant Mum, an autistic son and money worries.. then no, there is no shame/harm in welcoming your husband back into your life, IF you still love him. The fact that he is still a mess is something that may resolve over time. Sounds like from his answer that it isnt that he doesnt love and care for you, but that he is afraid to make promises he may not be able to keep. After everything that has gone to sh*t in his life over the past 3 years, I can see that he may be cautious or not trust himself. I didnt read it as bad as you did, but then its not me he said it to! I can see you would be disappointed and that it was a hurtful thing to hear.

If it were me.. I would concentrate on DB principles once again.. work on yourself, be happy in yourself, GAL and.. become again the girl he once fell in love with. Be confident, fun to be around and remember that he has feelings too. Men who have MLC need alot of patience and TLC, ironically, seeing as they are the ones that baled and hurt us.
Hugs xx