I expect that the contact is ongoing - my wife has told me that she resents me telling her who she can have contact with and that the problem is my jealousy and insecurity.
You know that is complete rubbish. This isn't about jealousy and insecurity. It's about the fact that she is having an EA with someone and sees nothing wrong with it so she is deflecting to try to make you out to be the bad guy. You are not wrong for telling her you won't be in a M where shei s actively involved with someone else. And I have no doubt they are still in contact, btw. She doesn't seem to "get" that you won't tolerate it so you need to be FIRM on your boundary, VJ.
As for the book, could you see if your local library has it? You could check it out on amazon, too. And if you Google it, you may be able to find excerpts from the book.
Oh and last but not least, DO NOT move out of your home. Don't threaten her that you are moving out either. Don't mention it again but stay in your home. There is absolutely NO reason for you to leave. You are not doing anything wrong, dear.
Tell her to end it, if not then there will be consequences.
