Help!, back again after 4 years!!!!!

[DCSUK]

It's not just the rings it's the whole attitude and sudden interest in what I'm doing, I haven't asked her anything, maybe that's why she asking me?

I just need to keep my distance and not get drawn into any hope, then I cannot get hurt anymore?

Also the kids are so happy, why take them away from their home??

[pinhead]

DC,

Here's a real easy way to clear up all your temperature taking:

Wait til she says she wants to work on the relationship.

Everything else might be a clue, but a clue to what? That she wants to eat cake? That she's confused? That she wants to feel sexy?

You can spend your whole life falling into confirmation bias.

[DCSUK]

Totally agree with that, I'm not talking about "us" at all, I am leaving that conversation to her to start.

But there has been no arguements, no hurting comments, it's been nice to be honest, kids are happy, I feel good in myself, so all is well for now.

Just got to keep myself going and look after me.

Thanks Guys

[pinhead]

You're in limbo. As long as you keep your focus on yourself and your kids, you'll be okay. Just don't live in limbo too long.

[soleil]

Yep, very true. Because Limbo Land is the worst place ever!

[DCSUK]

So what do you guys suggest, do I ask her to leave or ask her to work on the M??

If I ask her to work on us, is this not pursuing in a way?

I understand what you are saying about being in limbo, but do I really want to push her away, it's ok to let go, but am I not forcing the issue here a little??

[soleil]

No. Don't ask her to leave and don't you leave either. Counter-productive.

Don't ASK her to work on you guys. Tell her you want to work on you guys then see how she responds.

At this point she has already told you she's not feeling the M and that she wants you gone (do not leave, I repeat, DO NOT move out).

Don't ASK her to work on you guys. Tell her you want to work on you guys then see how she responds.

I know you don't want to push her away. None of us want to push our spouses away. We are just saying that LIMBO royally sucks.

Are you back in your marital bed? And also, you mentioned she had an "old friend." Was that from many moons ago or is that a recent thing????

[DCSUK]

She knows I'm not moving out, I'm still in the martial bed, and the old friend was years ago.

She doesn't really go out anywhere so I don't think there is anybody else, it's all about me and her.

I am looking after me and I know she is watching, she hasn't mentioned her moving out anymore, but who knows what's going on behind the scenes??

But with all the questions at the weekend and the way she was dressed, seems to be to get a response from me, but I never took the bait, answered her questions then just left it, but who knows????

[DCSUK]

I may be looking for positives but she seems to want to speak to me a lot more, even if it's mundane things, there is a conversation which previously there wasn't.

Do I start a conversation, ask how her days been, or leave it as it is, were I am polite and friendly but ask no questions, just answer hers?

The kids are great, I think they can see the changes in me, I have had a big discussion with my director about the stress I have been put under and what has happened at home through it. he was great, said that I should have told him sooner, he was not aware of what was going on, and my work load has dropped massively, the meds are working, I feel good, happy, just wish my M was as good as I feel, but I know it will take time, it might get worse before it gets better but I know that I will be a better person because of it.

Just hope my kids don't get hurt!

[DCSUK]

Strange thing happened tonight, she had a go at me for being happy and humming??

I got in early from work and was cooking a meal for me and the kids, she then started having a go about me trying too hard and it was getting on her nerves me humming and acting happy

I said I was feeling happy,I have addressed issues at work, was taking meds and hadn't had a drink for weeks and felt good, she said it was not normal and it was getting to her

I told her it was not about her it was about me, I'm trying to make me a better person for me, she then said well it was never about her!!!
I tried to explain what I meant but she just went into 1 about how I've hurt her and I can't change, I just apologised and said I will, she then said something about staying together, then changed the subject, I didn't press her any further.

Not sure what to do now, my changes are getting to her but the kids love it, well I think they do, I do alot more with them and they seem happy, think I should just carry on for me and them, she will have to deal with it!!!