I guess my question came down to whether there is a disctinction between MLC; LC and/or Identity Crisis.
Key word is Crisis.
I can't remember who I owe a nickel (Coach?) but I always remember that the most important characteristic we should be seeking in a partner is 'maturity in a crisis'. If it's you and her against 'the world' and you turn and say "More bullets, Honey' and she's gone, that's not a good spot to be in.
Unfortunately, I never tested this theory prior to marrige. Don't know how you would. Ironically, given all we had been through in the last 4 years, and we were still together (though struggling), I saw as a good thing since that set of pressures all piled up in a short time crushes most folks. I read that of the top 10 "most stressful events", we had missed only 3. Doing them simultaneously/sequentially didn't help.
Here are the things you wrote that solidified inmy mind what I am dealing with.
Originally Posted By: Seeking Answers
...a crisis develops when a transition runs off the track and gets out of control and the person has trouble navigating through it.
Things that contribute to a LC can be childhood issues, depression, whacked hormones, and failure to finish growing up.
Many lack the tools in how to deal with the bumps and see running as the answer to escape their pain. They have to learn that they are the only ones responsible for their own happiness. It doesn't come from someone else, it comes from within.
I suppose it has to be said that I am also in crisis-before this and even now.
The difference between my W and I is I didn't quit. It could also be said, to be fair, that perhaps she quit first- I wasn't at my threshold yet.
The sad thing is that in her current state and given her history (in hindsight for me), I believe it is unikely she will "seek answers' this time, either.
Perhaps if the A implodes, she'll see the pattern this time and THEN do some thinking.
All I can do is learn what I can to solidify my defenses against future crises; teach my D how to do the same; and be prepared if W turns to me for help at some point.
Originally Posted By: Seeking Answers
I've followed you from the beginning. You're a quick study and like me, you'll dig until you're satisfied that you have the answers for yourself. IMO there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're not obsessed and living your life. Sounds as if you're doing just that. You're going to be better than OK no matter how your sitch turns out.
I know you've been watching and "tagging up" when required. Thanks for that. And you are correct in seeing my initial tendency. The obsession is fading and the living is increasing. I am able to concentrate again and get more done in a day. It's a process. It's healing. Still have moments of 'stuck' but now fewer and further between.
