Nope. I think it was a reaction to me going for a trip? Cause before I left I wrote on my FB that I was going - I mentioned it earlier during the week but without saying exactly when so maybe he didn't think I'd go so soon? I was rather shocked by this, I still am...
I really think that he thinks I'm doing that stuff to upset him and this is retaliation. Possibly trying to get a reaction out of me too... I don't know. I'm just dumbfounded by this.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I'm actually just back :P I didn't find that burger, but I overindulged in crepes instead. Yummy!
Paris was amazing, and I saw so much! I thought I wouldn't see a lot in 2 days but I actually managed to get to the most of the main sights and still have some nice quiet downtime just hanging out in the streets. My legs hurt from all the walking now!
I enjoyed today as well, even after getting online and seeing the FB thing. At first I was really upset, but it faded as I headed out to sightsee more. For some reason I was uplifted. I walked around Louvre and the whole matter seemed so surreal, like it was a dream or something.
He doesn't know I'm back already and I'm not going to do anything, I need to gather my thoughts. Tomorrow I will have to face the music though and decide whether to talk to him about it or what else to do. Right now I don't even know what I'd say cause the only thing that comes to mind is "WTF? Are you nuts?" and this really isn't something that I want to say.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
. For some reason I was uplifted. I walked around Louvre and the whole matter seemed so surreal, like it was a dream or something.
The power of just Being. Or in the vernacular of Phillip Zimbardo, present (hedonism or holism) perspective. I vote for present hedonic perspective (holism is more that Budhist idea that the only thing that all time is Now).
At the most basic level, we want to enjoy ourselves, and there rarely is a reason not to enjoy ourselves, but our "mind" (pre-established patterns of thinking) can sometimes choose to focus on painful experiences (past, present, and future-anticipated) to the point it makes us miserable.
Balance is about being able to tap into the present good (hedonic or holistic), reflect on what we have learned or remember good things (past-positive), and still take care of business and make progress by anticipating reasonable consequences (future-positive).
You have to be very high on present hedonic/holistic, and fairly high on the other two perspectives to be balanced.
When somebody is very, very miserable (past-negative,present fatalistic, or skewed too much to the future), a good thing to do is to get them to focus more on the present (stopping to smell the proverbial roses), remember the good things, and set nearer-term, easily acheivable goals. Restore balance.
We are all time travelers: we travel from the Now to the Back Then and then to the Some Day.
Time (or your perspective on it) really can Heal.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/20/1011:55 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Thank you Time How fitting I think I focused completely on the present without thinking about any further than the current moment. But even with this positive approach I need to consider the future now and decide what to do.
I think that my H is very confused. He's unhappy with his life/job/himself and I guess he's trying to find a culprit. The thing is that there isn't one. It's not that there's something fundamentally wrong with our relationship, but he won't be happy with it until he's happy with himself. At the moment I'm the scapegoat.
I would like to tell him that, nicely. And that I'm not his enemy, in fact we're on the same side. I'm not out to get him. Which he's acting like I am. And when he repeatedly stomps on me, I pull away. But it's not to hurt him, only to protect myself.
I don't know if telling him this would help. Based on previous experiences, if his rage has subsided then yes, but if he's still blinded by it then no. Any thoughts on what to do now about this whole mess?
The reason why I don't want to go dark is his misconception about it. If he thinks that I'm doing that to hurt him, he will retaliate - as on the enclosed picture.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I don't know if telling him this would help. Based on previous experiences, if his rage has subsided then yes, but if he's still blinded by it then no. Any thoughts on what to do now about this whole mess?
Wit and Charm can work wonders And when you are in a happy place, it gets easier. Right now, and I am not saying it's your fault, you are worried about him--almost compulsively--and it takes you out of the moment.
Appeal to his masculine side? His ego? "Gee your kind of sexy when you mow the lawn" or something similiar?
Tell us about your H. What does he like? What lights him up?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/20/1012:39 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Is there a 3rd party involved? Check the phone records.