They have to be left to their journey without interference as it is the only way they will ever have a chance to resolve their issues.
This is the key CD ^^^^
I am no MLC expert. I do know for sure my W is in crisis. No one would choose the choices she is/was making... if they were healthy.
From what you have shared about your W and from what her choices have been I do think she is in some kind of crisis.
The cause of which you may ever know.
As PDT would argue all WAS are behaving irrationally. I would agree to a degree.
There is a spectrum of behavior. One might say we get the crazy of the crazy over here.
All of us LBS's want answers. We come here for the answers. It is part of the healing and growth process.
One answer might be well my spouse is just f@cked and I made a mistake choosing them as a life partner...
If that answer fits for you then just move on...
We say there is no difference for the LBS if MLC vs. Not becuase the LBS still has to grow through the same process. Detaching, questioning, the inward focus, lettting go, understanding, acceptance.
Understanding that your W is in crisis. Understanding what happened in your M. Understanding your part in it. Understanding why you made the choices you did.
Part of the process CD.
All of that takes time. And you have to live it to know it.
For me I found answers that I didn't even know I was looking for.
My questions were ones I didn't know enough to ask.
Until I was ready to learn.
Marriage doesn't entitle us to anything.
We are not entitled to anything from our spouses.
Our spouse is another person we choose to share our life with.
Good and bad.
It is what we choose to do with the bad that makes us who we are.
The fact that your W was choosing to be in an unhealthy relationship when you met her...
The fact that you were the white night...
Tells me there is some work left for you CD IMO.
Will she just find someone else to rescue her?
Will you find someone else to rescue?
Is this why the MLC question stings?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
