Yes, I suppose you're right. I picked up DB because I wanted to keep my marriage, not solely to become a better person myself. I do a lot of things because I want to grow and learn, I'd been to counseling years before I ever heard of dbing and have been a closet self-help book junky since high school. Although I certainly did grow and learn as a result of dbing, I picked up the book because I wanted to save my marriage. At that point I really believed that I could do it all myself. But by the second separation I realized I couldn't do his part and I'd done my part to the best of my ability.
What dbing did give me was a lot of tools for parenting I'd never thought of before. So I did come away with something. And thanks for the reminder not to lean on my son for emotional support. There are lots of things we know, but still need to be reminded of.
