New year, new thread, update of sorts..

[dmkdmkdmk]

So, it's been a while since I updated, and I have found that my story never seems to fail to disappoint my therapist in its entertainment value...

Several weeks ago I was told that XH and OW were going to couples counseling together. I decided to try to go as dark as possible - amazingly, XH seemed really bothered by that - he came over to watch the girls at the house a few days later b/c I could tell he was in rough shape just because he asked to do that. He is distracted, the next day he doesn't even want to watch them. Promises that she is not in the picture, she only went to one appointment to tell his shrink what an a$$ he is, etc. All he tells me is that karma has come back to him with a vengeance for what he's done. I find out later in the week that he and OW fought back in July, she was the one who gave him the black eyes, and apparently she went out and slept with two mutual friends. Karma is sweet. Although he thought he loved her, she was not really a very good girlfriend, and not really a stable person in general...

Since then, we've actually had a lot more honesty between us, and he is working hard in therapy trying to get himself straightened out. We are NOT working on the relationship between us. Not really in a conscious way. He sees us as wrecked beyond repair (mostly because he wouldn't be able to go out with buddies all the time or anything like that, since the trust is gone), I see him as still too self-centered to be in a relationship with anybody. We do joke around a lot more and we actually sleep together fairly often - which is all about my inability to have boundaries, but I don't see it as working towards an end any more. It's stress relief :P I'm not trying to date right now because I'm enjoying being a ME instead of an US for a while, so I don't see too much of a problem. I figure I'm being supportive and compassionate, which shocks the hell out of him, but honestly I am scared of doing anything bad because karma is powerful

We're divorced now, and it's a relief to have everything down on paper, even if it's hard to get all of the child support he promised because he is constantly broke. At least I know I have legal recourse now.

He drinks a lot, because it is hard for him to deal with what he's done. He is still in the whole "me, me, me" world view - he is lonely, he is broke, he screwed up his life. I try very hard to tell him to act like a dad and pull it together, sometimes politely and sometimes not. It's like he has the knowledge, but not the follow through. Last night was the first time he took the girls for an overnight in six weeks.

I'm not going to say I've completely turned my back on the idea of reconciliation - he still has so much work to do in his therapy... If he ever finds himself where the bigger picture (e.g. the family, the kids) is more important than himself, then maybe I'll be interested. I'm not going to settle for someone whose life revolves around himself. Until then, I'm actually at peace with where I am right now.

Edited to say - I think the point is to say that even if they seem like they're the happiest people in the world when they're in the MLC cloud... XH was running constantly and using whatever he could to avoid the problems inside him that motivated him to do what he did. It seems like he's having a great old time, going out with his buddies and drinking with his girlfriend every night - but you can't run from yourself forever.