A little perspective needed please!

[Buffet]

It has been awhile since i have posted here, and in fact had/have moved my sitch over to Surviving the big D forum, however like they say "just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in"!

So what I need some help, advice, perspective, whatever on is this---

Since the D in April XW has constantly made these tearful scenes of wanting to get back together and be a family again. She at different times has told me that she has broken up with OM, she wants to start to go to counseling, she wants us to be together, she misses her old life, she wants our S2 to grow up in one home not 2, etc etc etc....

The problem is that it is all BS. Most of the time her words go in one ear and out the other---now dont get me wrong I would love if my XW would want to come back to the marriage for the right reasons and actually want to make things right on all grounds----our son, our family, most important---our love for each other. But the times that I have told her that and said that I would be willing to work on things she either a) pulls back completely (normal i know) or b) lies and gets caught--about OM, than blows up and blames me for all of her problems.

I have had a few conversations with her where I said very plainly and clearly---that I refuse to be her 2nd choice, that I would prefer that we put the work into making us whole again but I would not do it from a one-sided position and that she needs to be as committed to it as I am. And further if she is unwilling to do those things than she needs to leave me alone and stop trying to make attempts at "fake reconciliation". Whenever this happens she usually ends up showing up at my house in tears begging for "one more chance" and hence the circle of crap starts all over again..........

So I don't know if I am looking for advice, insight, encouragement, 2x4's or what??

Please chip in though with your .02 as I am totally confused, she wants to be together but she doesn't, she wants to be a family but she doesn't, she wants to be with me but she doesn't????? What is it going to take for her to make up her mind??